July 10, 2008
The Law Of Unintended Consequences Has Been In Effect For A Lot Longer
California just enacted a new law requiring that people who use cell phones while driving also use hands-free devices. I wonder what happened to the accident rate last week, since all these people are now distracted by fiddling with brand-new (and unfamiliar) hands-free devices.
January 13, 2008
Dost Thou Thinketh Thou Canst Vanquish Me? Fuggedaboudit!
Went to see In The Name Of The King with my son yesterday, mainly because we're both big Jason Statham fans.
The good:
- Claire Forlani, Leelee Sobieski, and Kristanna Loken (double points for her as a vine-swinging lesbian forest nymph) are all hot.
- I could listen to John Rhys-Davies read from the phone book.
- The fight scenes were generally well done.
- Statham played pretty much the same character he always does, which was fine by me (kind of like how Ryan Reynolds plays Berg most of the time, regardless of what role he really has).
- I would have preferred Rhys-Davies reading from a phone book to most of the lines he actually had.
- Some of the casting was just terrible. Burt Reynolds as the king?!? Ray Liotta as the evil wizard?
- About Liotta: he probably could have pulled it off, even without your standard-quasi-British Eurofantasy accent, but his hair and costume people couldn't have been working from the same directions as everybody else. His hair was a straight-up Mob pompadour, and his collared tunic and black leather coat made him look like he walked in from the set of Goodfellas III whenever he was shot from the waist up!
- One of my fantasy movie pet peeves: it's not clear Who's running the theology. There were occasions where characters talked about God; on others, they talked about 'the gods.' Sure, they could have done it on purpose (after all, we're not all the same religion), but I think the continuity guys were just asleep that day.
- The dialog was... off. It wasn't really the accents (although Liotta didn't even bother); it was more like they couldn't decide whether they wanted a medieval/fantasyish or a modernish tone to their dialog, so they took constructs and phrasing from both, and accomplished neither. I'm not a fantasy snob, so I don't need "thou's" and "mayhap's" (and in fact I tire of them quickly), but you can set the right mood without doing that, and they didn't.
- The wire work was blatant and obvious, especially the catapulting Krugs and the levitating Liotta.
- I swear I'm not making this up - In this Euro-esque fantasy setting, the King's personal protective detail is... Ninjas!
The Verdict: My son liked it a lot. I thought it was OK.
Under What Circumstances Would I See It Again: Probably none. I might rent the DVD if the director's cut has nekkid scenes.
July 09, 2007
Today's Sign I'm Going To Hell
On the bulletin board in the break area at work, there's a flyer for an OCD support group. It says they meet Tuesdays at 8:00 PM.
The first thing I thought of when I saw that was "..and again at 8:03, and again at 8:06, and again and again and again until we get it juuuuuuuust right."
April 26, 2007
I, For One, Welcome Our New Robot Overlord Cult Leaders
Japanese robotics expert Hiroshi Ishiguro has unveiled a robot doppelganger of himself.There's some sloppy writing for you - the implication of the last sentence is that Ishiguro gazes around the room in a very human-like fashion. But I digress.
Germinoid is a humanoid robot designed in his creator's image, down to the tiniest of details.
It sits on a chair and gazes around the room in a very human-like fashion, just like its creator.
I saw this picture:
And immediately thought of this guy:
And I don't know which scares me more.
April 04, 2007
Unless You See One Holding A Gun, Then It's Cool
I forgot to mention this last week when I discovered it - The Unit is a lot more interesting when you Tivo it and skip over all the backstory scenes with the wives.
Of course, the wives are why my wife watches it with me, so I suppose I shouldn't complain.
I sometimes watch 24 more or less the same way - I skip over any scene with a female Palmer in it. Those subplots just don't do it for me.
I'm Lucky I Could Even Find My Office
You ever get anything out of order in your morning routine, then spend the rest of the day feeling like you've got your skivvies on sideways, mentally speaking? 'Cos that's where I am right now.
At least I remembered to shower before dressing. If only I'd remembered to dry everything off before that, too...
April 02, 2007
Today's 'Great Name For A Rock Band'
The Easter season unveiling of an anatomically correct milk chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ, dubbed "My Sweet Lord" by its creator, has a Catholic group infuriated.Donohue blows a gasket (which he apparently does quite often); me, I just shrug. Of course, Christians are easy targets here - Piss Christ, elephant dung Mary, whatever - people complain, and a few mentally unstable people make death threats, but most people react like I do. If the sculptor had any balls, he'd create 'Naked Chocolate Mohammad.'
"This is one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever," Bill Donohue, head of the Catholic League, said Thursday. "It's not just the ugliness of the portrayal, but the timing - to choose Holy Week is astounding.
. . .
The artwork was created from more than 200 pounds, or about 90 kilograms, of milk chocolate, and it features Christ with his arms outstretched as if on an invisible cross. Unlike the typical religious portrayal of Christ, the Cavallaro creation does not include a loincloth.
And then go into hiding.
March 16, 2007
As Penance, I'll Eat Two Animals Today
I can't believe I forgot that yesterday was International Eat An Animal For PETA Day!
And don't forget - it counts double if it's a cute animal. I think I'll have filet of panda with a nice tuna-free dolphin salad.
March 02, 2007
Photo Safari: Grocery Store
This was a little odd, but it brought a smile to my face - explicitly kosher teriyaki sauce:
This one, though, makes me want to track down the perpetrators and force-feed them prime rib - Tofu Cutlet:
February 21, 2007
It's Like 40 More Days Of Mardi Gras
Overheard in the hallway this morning...
A: "What'd you give up for Lent this year?"
B: "Self-denial."
A: "How's that working out for you?"
B: "Oh, man, it's awesome!"
February 08, 2007
Life, The Universe, And Everyblog
Via Lifehacker (though I can't find the exact post) I found a HOWTO that I never expected to see, at least not from Lifehacker: HOWTO: Achieve blog nirvana
The broadest of those [reader] responses are indignation, titillation, stimulation, and affirmation. Hitting any of the buttons is good. Ideally, you pack as many of those responses as possible into your content, even (and sometimes especially) if they're contradictory. Hitting the sweet spot in the center of all four virtually guarantees bloggy nirvana.There's a beautiful Venn diagram describing the interaction between the responses. Indignation and Affirmation intersect to form Outrage; Indignation and Titillation intersect to form Scandal; Titillation and Stimulation intersect to form Lust; and Stimulation and Affirmation intersect to form Novelty.
Likewise, Outrage + Scandal = Revenge; Scandal + Lust = Perversity; Lust + Novelty = Sex; and Novelty + Outrage = Schadenfreude.
Finally, Revenge + Perversity + Sex + Schadenfreude = Nirvana, complete with figure of Buddha. I leave writing The Ultimate Blog Post as an exercise to the reader.
Get on it. I expect answers by midnight tomorrow.
January 30, 2007
Coming Soon: The 'Burning Man' Commemorative MP3 Player Built Into An Incendiary Grenade Casing
'Rock-and-roll' can be used as a slang term to mean "firing your weapon on full auto;" however, "rock and roll with your AK-47" can now be taken literally:
The "AK-MP3 Jukebox" comes with 20GB storage capable to hold up to 9000 songs or 3000 hours of mp3 audio books.That last part could make the AK-MP3 a real hoot at the next muj ambush. Stick one of these in Haji's AK and watch the look on his face when he blasts out 'Rock The Casbah' instead of blasting the dirty kuffir!
AK-MP3 player built into the body of the ammunition magazine of Kalashnikov automatic rifle.
Player could be used on its own or it could be attached to the Kalashnikov machinegun instead of the ordinary magazine.
Oh, yeah, there's chicks too:
January 24, 2007
It's Almost A Win-Win-Win - The Chickens Still Get It In The End
Scott at Commblogging noted something that didn't hit my radar - PETA was willing to cut a deal with the devil. It seems that Yum! Foods wanted land to build a new Taco Bell, but the site in question was owned by PETA. During negotiations, PETA countered Yum!'s $1 million offer by offering to give the site to Yum! if Yum! forced KFC (another Yum! company) to adopt the advice of KFC's own Welfare Advisory Council on the humane handling of chickens. Yum! told PETA to stuff it (heh) - something about dealing with anti-corporate terrorists - and broke off negotiations.
Two things struck me about this:
- I can't believe that PETA made the offer in the first place, offering up essentially a million dollars in exchange for what would only be a drop in the bucket in their struggle
for animal equalityagainst animal cruelty. - I have to think the only reason Yum! turned down the offer was that implementing the WAC recommendations (and isn't that a fitting acronym?) would have cost more than the $1M they were willing to pay for the property.
Scott thinks PETA's offer was counterproductive and damaged their credibility (if that's even possible anymore). I disagree. Now, I claim second place to no one in my loathing of PETA, but I have to admit that I think this was a genius move. If the deal had gone through, PETA would have been able to say "OK, sure, we may give you street theater 24/7, but we also gave up A MILLION DOLLARS just to get KFC to start treating their chickens more humanely before they kill them. We put our money where our shrink-wrapped naked people are." So it's just as well that Yum! told them to go pound tofu.
Which reminds me - I have to cut the animal abuse parts out of that nekkid PETA chick video and YouTube it. I'll have to redo the soundtrack, too - she insists on talking.
January 18, 2007
And This Is My Husband, Ms. Bijon
A California man is suing because it's apparently a legalistic pain the ass for him to take his wife's surname:
Mike Buday isn't married to his last name. In fact, he and his fiancee decided before they wed that he would take hers. But Buday was stunned to learn that he couldn't simply become Mike Bijon when they married in 2005.It seems to me like the logical thing if s/he believes in gender equality would have been for each partner to keep his/her/its own surname. Why not? Here's why not:
As in most other states, that would require some bureaucratic paperwork well beyond what a woman must go through to change her name when marrying.
. . .
"Diana and I feel strongly about gender equality for both men and women," Buday said. "I think the most important thing in all of this is to bring it to a new level of awareness."
[Buday's wife Diana] Bijon, 28, approached Buday about the idea when they were dating. She had no brothers but wanted to prolong the family name. Buday, a 29-year-old developer of interactive advertising, was estranged from his own father and was not attached to his own last name [emphasis added].And those two sentences tell you everything you need to know about this patrophobic nancy boy. The problem isn't the law making it difficult for Buday to change his maiden name - it's that he didn't marry the right guy to begin with!
OK, I'm being overly cynical here. If the guy wants to change his name, it shouldn't be any big deal. But I'll bet he gets tired of explaining himself after a while.
January 05, 2007
In Other News, I Polished My Polish Sword...
Why do we call it 'DEE-fense' when we're talking about a sport and 'de-FENSE' when we're talking about a country?
January 04, 2007
Shhhhh! Don't Give Them Any Ideas!
Wouldn't you think that commericals for hearing aids or hearing clinics would be louder than regular commercials?
December 14, 2006
Pred(Schneider) = Kipling?
Rob Slade is a computer security specialist who regularly reviews security-related books on comp.risks and elsewhere. He recently reviewed Kim, by Rudyard Kipling, and had this to say:
Within the first twenty pages we have authentication by something you have, denial of service, impersonation, stealth, masquerade, role-based authorization (with ad hoc authentication by something you know), eavesdropping, and trust based on data integrity. Later on we get contingency planning against theft and cryptography with key changes.I read his reviews all the time, and they generally seem reasonable, but this one tripped my BS-ometer. So I found Kim at online-literature.com, and lo and behold:
And there was that on Mahbub Ali which he did not wish to keep an hour longer than was necessary - a wad of closely folded tissue- paper, wrapped in oilskin - an impersonal, unaddressed statement, with five microscopic pin-holes in one corner, that most scandalously betrayed the five confederated Kings, the sympathetic Northern Power, a Hindu banker in Peshawur, a firm of gun-makers in Belgium, and an important, semi-independent Mohammedan ruler to the south. This last was R17's work, which Mahbub had picked up beyond the Dora Pass and was carrying in for R17, who, owing to circumstances over which he had no control, could not leave his post of observation. Dynamite was milky and innocuous beside that report Of C25; and even an Oriental, with an Oriental's views of the value of time, could see that the sooner it was in the proper hands the better.
There's a lot more, but you get the idea. So I guess I need to get my BS-ometer recalibrated.
November 20, 2006
You Had To Know This Was Going To Happen
As soon as I heard about the motion-sensitive controller for the new Wii, which allows players to use real-life motions to control game actions like swinging a tennis racket, I knew that at some point one of them would become a missile. I would have put my money on '100mph fastball wild pitch breaks lamp,' but apparently the winner is 'bowling ball trashes SIXTY-INCH TV!'
So there's this dude who was playing Wii Sports bowling, as his story goes, and his pal rolls a Lebowski and the next thing you know the strap breaks from the force of the swing; his slippery hands let loose, and the Wiimote flies like a missile and cracks his pal's TV. . . . this guy really is out a 60-inch TV. . ..
November 15, 2006
Behold The Power Of Porn
Pandas is dumb. Not only do they sometimes squish their young'uns, they (at least the ones in captivity) often don't even know how to mate! But a zoo in Thailand thinks they have the solution: porn.
"They don't know how to mate, so we need to show the male how through videos," project chief Prasertsak Buntrakoonpoontawee told the Reuters news service.
Chuang Chuang, the six-year-old male, will view films of other mating pandas when scientists judge him to be relaxed and receptive—perhaps just after a tasty dinner.
If all goes well, the racy video will be both instructional and inspirational, showing Chuang Chuang the reproductive ropes and causing him to see five-year-old Lin Hui in an entirely different light.
Porn - is there anything it can't do?
October 25, 2006
WWJBD?
One of the things that I don't like about some fundamentalist Christians is that they don't pass up an opportunity to witness, whether we're interested or not. Which is why Chuck Norris on Chuck Norris Facts just sucks all the fun out of what used to be a perfectly hilarious 'net meme.
Jack Bauer would never do that to us.
[H/T Chess]
September 28, 2006
When Bad Things Happen To Good Vehicles
If I stand in the right spot in my office, I can see the building where this happened:
A woman was formally charged in Allen Superior Court on Thursday in the case of an 11-year-old girl who smashed a car into Delmar Video at 5311 Merchandise Drive late last week.In a completely coincidental story: if my uncle stands in just the right spot on his back porch, he might be able to see the woods where this happened:
Jennifer N. Dettmer, 26, faces one felony count each of neglect of a dependent, criminal recklessness, and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. According to a probable-cause affidavit, Dettmer let the girl drive a 2001 white Mitsubishi around the parking lot. The girl then drove the car down an embankment, through some grass in front of the building and into the store. Several shelves of videos were thrown into a woman at the store, injuring her head, arm and hip. The car also struck a railing at the front counter, injuring a man. The car came to rest at the front counter, the affidavit said. Damage to the store was extensive.
A local pleasure cruise by the Beverly-based Hood blimp went sour when the ship developed rudder problems shortly after take off and wound up caught in treetops several miles from its base at the Beverly Airport.
The lone pilot, Leigh Bradbury, was unhurt and there were no passengers.
Rescue crews safely lowered Bradbury by rope, harness and ladder to the ground from the cockpit.
The crash came after Bradbury radioed the Beverly Airport tower to say that the blimp was having rudder trouble and was planning to crash land just before 1 p.m. Sept. 26. Air traffic controllers in the tower in turn called the Fire Department to say the ship could come down in Beverly Farms.
Emergency crews from Beverly and Wenham, and later Manchester-by-the-Sea searched the Beverly Farms area for the crash scene, which was just over the town line in Manchester-by-the-Sea, in a heavily wooded area north of the Brookwood School.
September 22, 2006
The Thought That Woke Me From A Sound Sleep At 3:00 This Morning
Why didn't Flavor Flav wear the clock around his neck upside down? That way he could just look down and see what time it was.
September 20, 2006
Maybe I Should Have Only Asked For A Recycled Sheet Of Copy Paper
I was commiserating with one of the other owners in my fantasy league about our underperforming Raiders players: Randy Moss (mine) and LaMont Jordan (his). The chat went like this:
FunkDruckers: Trade you Moss for Jordan?
BattleHounds: Throw in a candy bar and I'll think about it!
FunkDruckers: OK, how about Moss and a Snickers bar for Jordan and a blank sheet of copy paper?
BattleHounds: Now you're just getting greedy with the copy paper. No deal!
FunkDruckers: Dammit!
September 15, 2006
And Not Only Can He Encrypt A Message He Himself Cannot Decrypt, He Can Decrypt It Too!
First it was Chuck Norris. Then Jack Bauer. Now we honor computer security/encryption/freedom defender Bruce Schneier, with Things You Might Not Know About Bruce Schneier. It's as geeky as you might expect, with entries like this:
If we built a Dyson sphere around Bruce Schneier and captured all of his energy for 2 months, without any loss, we could power an ideal computer running at 3.2 degrees K to count up to 2^256. This strongly implies that not only can Bruce Schneier brute-force attack 256-bit keys, but that he is built of something other than matter and occupies something other than space.and this:
An autographed picture of Bruce Schneier is all you need to securely wipe any hard-drive.and this:
On Bruce Schneier's birthday, a person standing at the very center of Stonehenge casts a shadow in the shape of Bruce Schneier's PGP public key fingerprint.but I think this one is my favorite:
Bruce Schneier can log into any computer just by staring down the prompt.
August 27, 2006
Great Idea - Tell The Kids They're Getting Ready For Battle Just Before You Put Them To Bed
When I saw the title of the Boing Boing post Armor of God kids pajamas, I thought it would be some kind of Mormon sacred underwear thing, or maybe an anti-masturbation aid (e.g., item 5 here).
Turns out the pajamas aren't that weird, although it could be argued that sleeping in a metaphorical representation of Ephesians 6:10-18 (the verses about putting on the Armor of God to do battle against the armies of Satan, etc., etc.) isn't far removed from sleeping with the Book of Mormon in hand (suggestion 18).
Then I saw the picture:
and thought "The boy's got crazy eyes... Operation Rescue eyes."
And "Shouldn't the word along the bottom of the tunic read 'No!' and be upside down?"
And "Speaking of 'Truth' appearing over young Stuart's Danger Zone, who's going to be the first to make the joke 'You can't handle the Truth!'?"
August 25, 2006
This Is Me Telling You How To Think. Irony Score: 7.5
Also on the topic of 'Required Reading For Freshmen' is 10 Tips On How To Think For Yourself. They're all good, but I like this one the best:
3) Understand People.
Does the person communicating with you have an agenda that might be influencing what they are telling you? What is motivating this person? Why do you think they think this way?
[H/T Lifehacker, again]
August 24, 2006
Maybe, But How Did Bush 'Know' Saddam Had WMDs?
And speaking of required reading for incoming freshmen: maybe if more people read this essay on how to detect bullshit, then schmucks like Ward Churchill and the ISM would be far less popular:
The first detection tool is a question: How do you know what you know? Throw this phrase down when someone force feeds you an idea, an argument, a reference to a study or over-confidently suggests a course of action. People so rarely have their claims challenged, that asking someone to explain how they know sheds light on whatever ignorance they’re hiding. It instantly diminishes the force of a BS driven opinion. It works well in response to the following examples:[H/T LifeHacker]
# "The project will take 5 weeks". How do you know this? What might go wrong that you haven't accounted for? Would you bet $10k on this claim? $100k?
# "Our design is groundbreaking." Really? What ground is that? And who, besides the designers/investors, has this opinion?
# "Studies show that liars' pants are flame resistant.." What studies? Who ran them and why? Did you actually read the study or a two sentence press clipping (poorly) explaining the results? Are there any studies that claim the opposite?
When you ask a flavor of “how do you know what you know?” often they can't answer quickly. Even credible thinkers need time to sort through their logic, separating assumptions from facts: an an exercise that works in everyone’s favor.
August 16, 2006
Today's "Fun With English"
Why do we say "What time is it?" and "Where are we?" but not "When are we?" or "What location is it?"
August 11, 2006
I'm On The 15-Day Disabled List With A Bad Dream
I have a tendonitis problem in my elbow that flares up every time I play hockey. It's not too bad; it's sore for a day or two afterwards, but it's OK by the time I play hockey again the next week.
Well, now it looks like I've screwed myself - I had a dream last night that I vacuumed my whole house with an old-fashioned reel lawn mower, and my elbow still feels like I just played a quintuple-overtime game.
July 14, 2006
And The Story Had Such Promise
So Michael Douglas had a nasty encounter with a jellyfish, and asked his son to perform, shall we say, the folk remedy:
"I took my kids down to the ocean the other day and we had a little problem, we have jellyfish. I got stung actually pretty bad, across my back just last week. There's sort of a remedy that we've all heard...urine. It's the remedy if you have a bad sting.
"So I asked my five-year-old son if he would pee-pee on my back. He looked at me like he'd gone to heaven. He was like 'This is what I call a good summer holiday! Pee-pee on daddy's back!' I don't know if it helped at all, but my son was happy. We'll work it out in 20 years - when he's in therapy!" stated Douglas.
I know I'm not alone when I say that that story would have been FAR more interesting if he had asked his wife instead of his son.
July 13, 2006
New Trade Offer: Free Press Coverage For An Afternoon In Tax Court
Kyle MacDonald, the red paper clip guy, has achieved his goal. Yesterday, he completed his series of trades starting with one red paper clip and ending with a house.
That's all well and good, but I wonder what the Canada Revenue Agency has to say about a guy getting a house for essentially nothing?
July 06, 2006
I'd Settle For Them Having A Remote-Controlled Ignition Cutoff, As Long As I Held The Remote
I just thought of something that's going to make whoever invents it rich, and I'm already pissed off because it won't be me. You know those breathalyzer interlocks they put in cars that prevents them from starting if the driver has had too much to drink? Somebody needs to invent some kind of biofeedback interlock to prevent road ragers from driving if they're pissed off.
June 30, 2006
Hahhy Fwithay, Eryothy!
I gave blood yesterday. I forgot my water bottle for my workout this morning.
These two seemingly unrelated facts probably explain why, no matter how much water I drink now, I can't get my tongue to unstick from the roof of my mouth.
June 27, 2006
Can I Get A 'Hallelujah?'
Also courtesy of yesterday's Bob & Tom: a story about a ministry that takes Jesus' message of 'go to where the sinners are' pretty dang seriously:
One of the hottest items at this weekend's Erotica L-A pornography show is a Bible with a cover that says "Jesus Loves Porn Stars."Well, of course they did - that way they could close up the booth early and enjoy the other two days like everybody else!
The Reverend J.R. Mahon (man) of Triple-X Church-dot-com says his anti-porn ministry handed out its entire stock of 33-hundred Bibles on the first day of the three-day show.
I Know That Statistically This Is Quite Possible. It Doesn't Lessen The Pain.
I am now 0-for-11 on Pepsi Smash caps.
"1 in 3 gets a ringtone," my ass.
June 25, 2006
Cliches Come To Life, NASCAR Style
Back in one piece, much more later. Right now I'm watching the NASCAR road race, which featured a first-lap crash that took out four cars. There's a joke here about forcing NASCAR drivers to make right turns, but I'll let somebody else make it.
Update that I swear I'm not making up: one of the drivers just told his pit crew that his car doesn't want to turn right.
June 08, 2006
What Next? Will They Stop Calling The President "Bushitler?"
I don't know which was more surprising - the fact that we finally got al-Zarqawi or the fact that al-Guardian actually used the t-word in reference to him:
The most wanted terrorist in Iraq, blamed for personally beheading British hostage Ken Bigley, was killed in a US air strike after weeks of surveillance, coalition forces have revealed. [emphasis added]
May 29, 2006
The Purpose Of The Exercise
I am fortunate in that to the best of my knowledge, no one in my family died serving our country since my great(^5)-grandfather and a couple of great(^5)-uncles did in the Civil War. Not only that, I am also fortunate in that no one I knew personally died serving our country.
So to Dad, and Dad; to Uncle Fran and Uncle Dick; and to Jim and Ronnie:
Thanks for your service, and God bless you and all your brothers-in-arms.
Vacation Training Camp
The base tan is coming along nicely, and we just completed a four-night training run in preparation for the 14-day/15-night beer-drinking marathon known as the annual vacation. We're right on target to peak at the optimal time. It's a good thing beer in North Carolina doesn't cost any more than it does here.
May 26, 2006
'Anywhere, Anytime' Confirmed!
Last March, I wondered whether Instapundit would blog from a storm shelter:
I happened to notice on the Weather Channel not too long ago that Knox County, Tennessee (home of the Blogfather, is under a severe thunderstorm warning. I wonder, if the weather truly went to hell there, whether he'd liveblog from the tornado shelter.
The answer is yes:
And here's an interesting interview with Craig [Newmark, creator of Craig's List]. I can attest that he does customer-service at all hours; I was up and posting at 3:30 AM one morning (we had moved to the basement during a tornado watch) and immediately got an email from him wondering what was wrong. Nothing, I replied, just a tornado.
May 23, 2006
No Such Thing As Bad Publicity?
Chixie Dick Natalie Maines got roundly thumped after dissing the President in the runup to OIF. However, she wasn't shipped off to Gitmo for it, which kind of puts the lie to her whole argument. Anyway, after three years of not saying a whole lot, she's flappin' her gums again. Now why would she do that at this exact point in time?
Oh.
It seems to me bandmate Martie Maguire's statement (from the second link above):
"I'd rather have a small following of really cool people who get it, who will grow with us as we grow and are fans for life, than people that have us in their five-disc changer with Reba McEntire and Toby Keith," Maguire said. "We don't want those kinds of fans. They limit what you can do."is code for "Our red-state hick former fans are not welcome back on the bandwagon, and we think there are enough progressive country fans to make our career, and by the way we're not a country band anymore because there aren't enough progressive country fans to make our career."
Not to put too fine a point on it, but here's Maines in a January ew.com interview:
I like lots of country music, but as far as the industry and everything that happened... I couldn't want to be farther away from that. And it's easier when you're financially set, because you can be a little more ballsy, and just do what you want to do. I don't want people to think that me not wanting to be a part of country music is any sort of revenge. It is not. It is totally me being who I am . . ....someone who says "Thanks for the money, you backwards-assed country fucks, now go away."
[H/T Hot Air]
I've Also Already Figured Out Next Season's Plot
I totally called the final twist to this season of 24. I was watching the finale with my friend, and when they got to the 'happily ever after' part with fifteen minutes left to go, I explained to him how Nina killed Jack's wife in the last minute of season one. Right as I concluded by saying "Now watch, Jack's going to turn around and see the Chinese ambassador," Jack turned around and saw the Chinese imposter agent, who told him to go stand on the X so the ambassador's goons could grab him. Yay me!
While I'm on the subject of season finales, I want it noted for the record that Marisol's death on CSI: Miami was the lamest hospital death scene in the history of television.
May 21, 2006
No Pictures, No Video, Never Write Anything Down...
...Deny, Deny, Deny. That's Chick McGee's motto, which Ina, a Malaysian IT executive probably now wishes she'd followed:
KUANTAN: "It was the worst mistake I have ever made. I am so embarrassed and this will haunt me forever".
Those words were uttered by Ina, an IT executive whose semi-nude images became the talk of Temerloh after video compact discs (VCDs) of her and her Indonesian boyfriend were sold for RM10 each.
The 25-year-old victim said she allowed her boyfriend to snap photographs of them using his handphone because she loved and trusted him.
It's not clear whether he distributed the pictures on purpose...
Unfortunately, the images were copied and distributed when her beau sent his handphone for repairs....but that doesn't seem to matter to people from the woman's town:
Her boyfriend returned to his hometown after he was beaten by villagers agitated by the incident.
May 19, 2006
From The Glass-Lined Tanks Of Old Latrobe, err, Newark
It would appear that the evil empire has acquired Rolling Rock:
Anheuser-Busch Cos., the world's largest brewer, has purchased the Rolling Rock brands for $82 million from parent company InBev, the two brewers announced today.Not that I care a whole lot or anything - they don't sell a lot of Rolling Rock around here, so as a consequence, the few times I've tried it, it's always tasted slightly skunked. Maybe AB will start using the 'born-on date' thingy like with their other beers.
. . .
Rolling Rock will continue to be brewed at the Latrobe brewery until July 31, under contract with Anheuser Busch, she said.
After that, it will be brewed in Anheuser-Busch's Newark, N.J. plant, a company spokeswoman said.
OK, I admit it, I blogged this just so I could do the title.
May 18, 2006
I Think I'll Tag Him "Mr. Dribbler"
Attention, whoever it is that's responsible for me having to dodge a puddle of urine whenever I want to take a leak here at work:
Your dong is not as long as you think it is. STAND CLOSER TO THE URINAL!
That is all.
May 15, 2006
Everything Old Is New Again, Like It Or Not
Is it just me, or does the new Toyota FJ Cruiser look like the bastard child of a Hummer and an old International Scout?
I think both the Element and the xB (or xA, whichever one is the box on wheels) have a certain amount of twisted style to them, but I don't think any of them compare to my beloved '68 Land Cruiser, affectionately named Zonk:
May 06, 2006
May 04, 2006
Thursday's Quick Hitters
Sudan rebels hold key to peace pact. So I guess we can count on it not happening.
A high school baseball team in Orange County, Fla., was angered after a concert at their home stadium left the venue damaged and the playing field littered with debris and feces, according to a Local 6 News report.(and incidentally, have I mentioned lately that Local 6 is the bestest site on INTERNET?)
The Lake Highland Prep baseball team was scheduled to play Umatilla inside Tinker Field Tuesday night.
However, damage to the historical field from Sunday's Earth Day Birthday concert left the team without a home field.
"You don't have to look very far here at Tinker Stadium to see why tonight's game cannot go on as planned," Local 6 reporter Jessica Sanchez said. "The Lake Highland Prep baseball coach is disgusted with what he sees. A bathroom in shambles, a grass-less field littered with debris and feces. [emphasis added]"
Well, I'll be darned. Maybe we haven't lost the war in Iraq.
Just because YOU thought it was funny doesn't mean that EVERYONE thought it was funny: Boing Boing's Cory Doctorow is outraged that not everybody thought Steven Colbert's mocking of President Bush was funny (link NSFW if your site uses SmartFilter, which still thinks Boing Boing is a porn site). Look, Cory, I know that every breath President Bush continues to draw is a grievious personal insult to you, but stick to writing SF and you'll be OK.
May 01, 2006
Who Needs A Gerbil In The Back When You Have A Rabbit In The Front?
Man Charged With Sex With Rabbit:
SYDNEY, Australia (UPI) -- A New Zealand businessman has been charged in Australia with having sex with a rabbit and killing 17 rabbits and a guinea pig.What kind of pindick do you have to be to think "Sheep? Naaaah, too big. Rabbit? Hell, yeah!"
The Sydney Morning Herald reports police launched an investigation after dead rabbits began showing up in a lane outside a building where Brendan Francis McMahon kept an office.
McMahon was charged with one count of bestiality and 18 counts of aggravated animal cruelty. Investigators said some of the rabbits were still alive when they were found and some appeared to have been dropped from a height. [emphasis added]Remember those plastic toy rockets from the '70s (apparently they still make them)? They had a chamber you'd fill halfway with water, then you'd connect it to a hand pump and crank away until you got enough pressure. Release the catch, and you'd get a rocket rising on a jet of water. Well, the same principle is at work here. This guy was probably doing his thing on his office balcony. At the proper moment, the combination of fluid pressure and, um, small receptacle space would result in the rodent being shot into the air like a rocket.
April 29, 2006
Today's Public Service Announcement
No matter where you live, something bad can happen to not only you, but everyone around you. Earthquake, large-scale fire, hurricane, tornado, alien attack, divine retribution, something. If that happens, emergency services will probably be overwhelmed, so you need to be able to take care of yourself until they can get to you.
That's the point behind 72 Hours, a site set up by the San Francisco Office of Emergency Services, who obviously has a vested interest in making the city's citizens self-sufficient for three days (hence the name) if that kind of thing happens. As you might expect, it's skewed towards San Fransisco's likely problems, so not every section is universally applicable - we're not likely to get tsunamis here in northeast Indiana - but there's lots of worthwhile stuff there for everybody.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled featherweight crap and weak humor. [H/T Randy Cassingham's Bonzer Web Site of the Week]
April 28, 2006
Today's Reader Appeal - Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!
I'm looking for a comedy bit that I first heard around 1980, so I know it's at least that old. It was a parody of radio commercials for Sunday afternoon drag races, and it went something (loosely) like this:
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! U.S. Amphetamine Speedway! Sunday!
See the amazing wheel-standing rapping lunatic Corvair! Sunday!
See Shad Crapper light his nose hairs on fire as he pulsates and blasts down that quarter mile thrillway! Sunday!
See Tim Leary and his Superblown head! Sunday!
See Big Daddy Roth and funny cars from across the universe! Sunday!
12 bucks buys you the whole seat, but you'll only need the edge! Sunday!
BE there!
Some Googleage revealed the following: it was probably done by 'The Phlorescent Leech & Eddie' a/k/a 'Flo & Eddie' a/a/k/a Marc Volman and Howard Kaylan of The Turtles - who, due to a spectacularly badly negotiated contract, couldn't even use their real names as musicians after The Turtles went belly-up - and probably as part of a Frank Zappa album. Since Flo and Eddie played only on these Zappa albums:
that narrows it a bit, maybe. If not, it could have been on one of these Flo & Eddie albums:- Illegal, Immoral, and Fattening
- The Phlorescent Leech & Eddie
- Flo & Eddie
- Moving Targets
April 25, 2006
Lots Of Money Gets Hosed Around. Nobody Gets Rich. WTF?
As if I wasn't already downcycled low enough over my ability to finish anything and get it published, Boing Boing points me to another pile of salt I can rub in my wounds - a look at the numbers behind paperback publishing:
Book #1 is a mass market romance novel called Crichton is an Idiot by a brand new author named Aeryn Sun. She doesn't know anyone, and no one's heard of her. You, her loving and caring editor, call in every single favor you've got, but no one has time. You do not take this as a bad sign that no one really likes the book at all, but you take everyone at their word. (This is your mistake. Although, of course, you've already bought the book -- there's not much you can do at this point.)After a REALLY depressing series of transactions (during which, I assure you, not even the author makes very much)...
$26,971.40 is the net total this book earns for the publishing company. You have lost your company:
$12,500 + $36,000 - $26,971.40 = $21,528.60
And this is totally normal.
Guess I won't be giving up the day job anytime soon.
April 24, 2006
"The Customer Comes First" Now Has A Whole New Meaning
I had occasion to be at a local gas station/convenience store over the weekend. As I approached the counter with my bottle of Mountain Dew, my copy of Peddlers' Post, and the knowledge that I had used pump #9, the clerk said "Hiya, sexy." Now, she was turned sideways to me when she said it, but there wasn't anyone else in the store, so she must have meant me, right?
Apparently that thought process was tattooed across my face, given the look on her face when we made eye contact and I could then see the cell phone that she had cradled 'twixt shoulder and ear.
Turns out she had just called her husband. Good thing I didn't break out my standard response: "Ya think so? Then come over here and prove it."
April 12, 2006
Fealty To The King Of Battle
Michael Yon's latest dispatch includes a paper on counterinsurgency warfare written by Australian Army LTC David Kilcullen Ph.D. titled Twenty-Eight Articles: Fundamentals of Company Level Counterinsurgency. RTWT, as they say, but here are two excerpts:
23. Practise armed civil affairs. Counterinsurgency is armed social work; an attempt to redress basic social and political problems while being shot at.I don't think I've ever heard CI summarized so neatly.
But there's also this, which reminds you of the potential consequences of crossing the King of Battle:
What if higher headquarters doesn't "get" counterinsurgency? Higher headquarters is telling you the mission is to "kill terrorist", or pushing for high-speed armored patrols and a base-camp mentality.Getting a 155 round dropped on your head because your DS battalion didn't know you were where you were can ruin your whole day.
. . .
Over time, you will find ways to do what you have to do. But never lie to higher headquarters about your locations or activities: they own the indirect fires. [emphasis added]
April 04, 2006
Of Course, Now That You Know How Easy It Is, You'll Be Expected To Fix The Washer Every Time
The lid switch on my washer (the safety device that forces you to have the lid down before the basket will spin) crapped out over the weekend, just in time to trap us behind an entire laundry room full of dirties (as an aside, it continually surprises me how much laundry can be generated by just three people). After twenty minutes of staring at the thing trying to figure out how to take it apart, and actually unscrewing two screws that accomplished NOTHING, I put the adage "If you can't find it on the internet, it ain't worth knowing" to the test.
Thanks to applianceaid.com, I learned how to quickly and easily pop the ENTIRE CABINET off the washer. Twenty minutes later, I'd managed to replace the lid switch and reassemble the washer without flooding the house, shocking myself, or having any parts left over.
For those of you scoring at home: you have to remove two screws from the console, rotate it out of the way, release two clips holding the back of the washer on, slide the cabinet towards you about half an inch, and lift it up. That's it. YMMV, of course (e.g., I had to remove two pop-off plastic trim pieces to get to my console mount screws), but most new top-loaders work that way.
March 28, 2006
Channeling My Inner Language Nazi
This may sound strange coming from someone who actually keeps a list of office-related neologisms, but I really really hate the pseudo-word "mentee" (which, surprise, doesn't even show up on webster.com unless you pay extra for their super-ginormous online dictionary).
The word is "protege." Get it right.
There's Nothing Wrong With Him That A Big Ol' Block Of Debrand's Won't Cure
A lot of people are making fun of John Kerry's rider, but I read through it and didn't see anything too excessive for a senator and major Presidential candidate.
That is, until I spotted this on page 2:
No chocolate?
- Food - JK (for the time being) will not be eating spicy food or anything containing tomato, citrus or chocolate
Communist.
March 20, 2006
Consider The Irony Of The Mastectomy Patient
I've got to slow down a little. I was scanning the BBC RSS feed, which showed these two headlines:
- Flash memory price 'to drop 25%'
- Uneven breasts linked to cancer
Flash uneven breasts to drop cancer 25%
March 16, 2006
And I Completely Missed The Fact That The Dual-Monitor Rig Appears To Be Staring At Her
We used to worship a CDC Cyber 170 Model 750 when I was at Michigan State - and I mean that almost literally. We called the computer center the Cyber Castle, and there was a viewing room where you could watch the various vestmented (OK, lab-coated) acolytes and deacons tend to the Cyber. Since the room had steps along each wall (for better viewing for the vertically-challenged, I guess) that looked a lot like the kneelers you'd find in a Catholic church, we dubbed the room the Cyber Chapel.
And if our Cyber had had a priestess like this Cyber had, I might still be there, staring at her with my face pressed up against the glass.
Although I'd wonder why she appears to have two different kinds of hair.
Courtesy of James Lileks' Institute of Official Cheer.
March 13, 2006
I'd Call It A Freudian Slip, But I Think Freud Is Haraam
The Army has published a HOWTO on dealing with Arab culture. A lot of it is pretty elementary, but I learned quite a bit I didn't know before, e.g.:
Not eating everything on one's plate is considered a compliment. It is a sign of wealth when an Arab can afford to leave food behind.and
Most Arabs DO NOT share the American concept of "personal space" in public situations, and in private meetings or conversations. It is considered OFFENSIVE TO STEP OR LEAN AWAY!and
Shake Hands with right hand only and at the beginning and end of any visit. Shake hands longer but less firmly than in the West. Left hand grasps elbow...Of course, evil Arabophobe that I am, I immediately thought "...so you can wipe your left hand on his robes."
But the one that really got my attention was this:
Ka'ba - located in Mecca, it is the most scared site in Islam. Muslims pray five times a day facing toward Ka'ba [emphasis added].My first thought was that it was a typo for 'sacred.' My second thought was that maybe 'scared' was the right term after all. [H/T Secrecy News]
March 10, 2006
Next I'll Slap Somebody On The Back And See If Their Face Stays Like That
You've probably seen pictures of the recently-discovered hairy lobster by now:
Marine biologists have discovered a crustacean in the South Pacific that resembles a lobster or crab covered in what looks like silky fur.
Kiwa hirsuta is so distinct from other species that scientists have created a new taxonomic family for it.
. . .
K. hirsuta is blind; the researchers found it had only "the vestige of a membrane" in place of eyes, the Ifremer researcher said.
It's blind and it has hair on its palms.
Huh.
Damn, my mother was right!
February 24, 2006
Even Worse, It's Not The Whole Song - Just The Bass Line!
Today's earworm is The White Stripes' Seven Nation Army.
I'm going to end up hating the song by lunchtime.
February 20, 2006
So I Bought A Watchdog, But They Stole Him Too
I saw a commercial for the alarm company ADT over the weekend, showing various evildoers deterred by the presence of an ADT alarm system - actually more by the sign indicating the presence of an alarm system, since you have to figure it's unlikely that they see the sign, then bust a window, then run away when the alarm goes off. It occurred to me that you really wouldn't need the alarm system at all - the warning sign would be enough.
Of course, since ADT wouldn't want to sell you just the sign, you'd have to steal it from somebody who already had one. Oh, the irony.
February 15, 2006
Working Title: 'Brokeback Mosque'
If you thought the Islamofascists got their burkas in a wad over the Mohammad caricatures, just wait until they get a load of this movie:
Sandi Dubowski, who won the Teddy gay and lesbian award in 2001 for his controversial doc "Trembling Before G-d," may cause an even bigger stir with "In the Name of Allah," which explores the struggles of homosexual Muslims.
Gay Indian Muslim helmer Parvez Sharma is directing the pic, which looks at gay, lesbian, and transgender Muslims across the Muslim and Western worlds.
And forget Sundance, Cannes, and all the 'right' film festivals - they're headed right into the lions' den:
Sharma and Dubowski plan to submit the pic to all major festivals in the Muslim world as well as in the West, but if it's rejected, Dubowski said, "We'll find ways of screening it in every Muslim nation, even if it's underground."Good luck with that. And 'underground' sounds right - six feet underground, probably.
February 14, 2006
From Russia With Love For Valentine's Day
pravda.ru is like the Russian local6.com - they have the best stories:
- Women rape men when they have no one to have sex with "There are hundreds of lonely women in the prime of life seeking to apply their libido"
- Wives should beware of young girls hunting for happily married men "There are women seeking romantic relations with married men only: they like to attract and tame them. How do experts explain the phenomenon?"
- Sexologists insist it is normal for men to be unfaithful "The author of the publication insists that a woman curbing sexual impulses of her husband towards other women is not just an evil person but even an obstacle hampering prolongation of the human race."
But my favorite is this one: Russian oligarch does not mind his beautiful wife starring in softcore porn film:
The wife of an influential Russian banker, Olga Rodionova, 31, shocked the Moscow elite when she posed nude for several men's magazines. Now she is going to act in a softcore porn filmHubby's take?
. . .
Olga Rodionova, the owner of a fashionable boutique and a mother of a ten-year-old girl, says there is no problem if a woman wants to show her wonderful body. “I think there is nothing bad about erotic scenes in my film. I have always dreamt of being an actress and I think a nude body is an art. I have no time to dispute with those who criticize my photos; these people are just narrow-minded. I feel sorry for them because they see no difference between pornography and erotica,” Olga Rodionova says.
It is said that the husband approves of his wife's doings and even paid for some of the photo sessions himself.
Sergey Rodionov, 44, says that he was the first who took a nude picture of his wife. Some of Rodionov's business partners interpret Olga's behavior as adultery. “I tell my wife that rumors will die away soon, and the pictures will remind her of her young beauty even at the age of 90. I feel proud of her,” Sergey says.
Which reminds me of the old joke:
Guy goes into the confessional and tells the priest, "Father, I fornicated with a beautiful woman I just met, all weekend long. My place, her place, the car, the choir loft, everywhere.
"My son," the priest says, "Your penance is to say twenty - "
"But Father, I'm not Catholic."
"Then why are you telling me this?"
"Telling you? I'm telling everybody!"
February 03, 2006
Hope The Kool-Aid Tasted Good, Katie
Aaaaaaaand Katie Holmes' brainwashing is complete:
Well, it's happened. Katie Holmes is now shilling for Scientology.
I told you one year ago this week that I had received an unsolicited gift package in the mail from the Church of Scientology.
It included a personalized, signed note from Tom Cruise, informing me that a donation had been made in my name to the organization.
The package also included a framed set of Scientology lessons to live by. The most memorable was No. 12: Never fear to hurt another in a just cause.
Now I've seen the updated package for 2006, and it's a showstopper. The signed note now comes from Tom and Katie, and it includes both of their signatures.
And I see they're still pulling the same old tricks; e.g., 'endorsement by association:'
The package also contains a book that has pictures of smiling children and quotations, in large type, from people who would probably be surprised to find themselves in the company of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard: Kofi Annan and the late Martin Luther King, Jr. The quotations are made to seem as if their authors endorse Scientology.
Catching Up On Random Thoughts
I think every car should come with two horns: a "Excuse me, the light just turned green. Thank you." horn, and a "You stupid #^(@ing mother(@*$er! What the $(#@* in the name of #(%()@ and #)@(%^*# did you do that for?" horn. I would have had occasion to use both just on my 10-minute commute home yesterday.
It took us 66 years to get from Kill Devil Hill to the Moon landing. It's been 37 years since then. How much farther have we gotten?
Apparently the NFL is going to pony up $20 million to help repair the Superdome. What, it isn't insured?
January 31, 2006
24: Everything Old Is Nuked Again
In Season 2, a shadowy government group allowed terrorists to bring a nuke into the US so they could catch them red-handed with it. Last night, it was revealed that a shadowy government (maybe) group allowed terrorists to take a bunch of nerve gas out of the US so they could catch them red-handed with it. In both cases, the terrorists turned the tables and got loose with their WMDs.
So is 24 completely out of new ideas in Season 5? I sure hope not.
January 24, 2006
Stories Like This Don't Help Fight The Stereotype "'British Dentistry' Is An Oxymoron"
Dentist let partner drill teeth:
A dentist from south-east London who let her unqualified boyfriend treat patients has been struck off.The alleged dentistry happened between 2002 and 2003. Both were sentenced to prison for their misdeeds in March of 2005. Azari was sentenced to one year, Amidi-Mazaheri two (more on his exploits here, including a bit where he dropped a piece of equipment down a patient's throat).
Mogjan Azari allowed her lover Omid Amidi-Mazaheri to work on more than 600 patients, leaving many in agony.
He drilled out cavities without local anaesthetic and installed expensive fillings that crumbled within days.
The pair charged the NHS for the bungled work and other non-existent procedures and are believed to have made £120,000 from the scam.
Azari, 39, a Swedish Iranian, was barred from practising in the UK by the General Dental Council (GDC) for serious professional misconduct.It took the General Dental Council this long to pull her license?
. . .
The GDC considered claims that Azari "did not take any, or adequate, steps" to check that Amidi-Mazaheri was a qualified dentist.
It was alleged she allowed him to continue treating patients despite promising the Croydon Primary Care Trust in 2003 that he would stop. [emphasis added]
Such conduct would have been "unprofessional, dishonest and contrary to the best interests of patients", the council heard.
This reminds me of something that happened the last time I went to the UK. Of course, I'd heard about the stereotype of Britons having bad teeth, but I didn't really believe it. But wouldn't you know, every time I thought about it over there, two of the next three people I saw would have really, really, bad teeth. I'm talking colors-not-found-in-nature-and-be-careful-chewing-or-you'll-lacerate-your-face bad teeth.
Every time.
Finally, my last night there, I was eating in a restaurant in Swindon when I looked across the floor, maybe four or five tables away, and saw a really attractive woman. She was probably in her late twenties and bore more than a passing resemblance to Kimberly Williams. Hey, she's really pretty, I thought. Too bad she'll have nasty teeth like most people I've seen this week. Then I saw her smile at the couple she was dining with.
White. Straight. Perfect. I was floored.
I barely had time to recover from my shock when her party got up to leave. I had occasion to catch her accent as they walked by my table.
She was American.
January 20, 2006
Take Something Out, Put Something In... Preferably Non-Explosive
When I first heard about geocaching, I thought "They've made dead drops a game anybody can play!"
I didn't consider that not only did it give a cover for, say, terrorists to securely pass data around, the caches themselves could look like bombs if they're poorly placed:
In a game of global positioning called geocaching, the lowly treasure hunt has gone high-tech -- but it can also be a game of risk when terrorism-sensitive authorities find the goods first.
Scot Tintsman found that out when he stashed a green bucket under an Idaho highway bridge last September, intending to fill it with goodies for other players to find using Global Positioning System units. But before he could finish adding the requisite trinkets and log books and posting its GPS coordinates on the Internet, a bridge inspection crew found it.
Rounding a corner on his motorcycle to finish rigging his cache, he was greeted by a barricade of police cars and a bomb squad. He struggled to explain the misunderstanding.
"I got off my bike and three officers approached me very cautiously, hands on their holsters," he said. "I was trying to turn off my MP3 player and I think they were worried I was going for a detonator."
. . .
In November, a geocache outside a police station in Provo, Utah, met a bomb squad robot as its fate. It contained a toy gun, holster and nightstick.
In June, a bomb squad in De Pere, Wisconsin, used a robot-mounted shotgun to blast the lid off a suspicious-looking military ammunition box found in a park. It also turned out to be a geocache.
And on the night before the 2004 presidential election, police and the FBI spent hours questioning a man seen prowling along a fence at Los Angeles International Airport with a GPS unit. He was a geocacher from Vermont trying to stash a toy snake into a cache, placed five weeks earlier, that had already been visited by 463 people.
Caribou Everywhere Are Now Running Scared. Should We Be, Too?
Apparently a piece of the warhead from a NorK missile test firing was found in Alaska:
The warhead of a long-range missile test-fired by North Korea was found in the U.S. state of Alaska, a report to the National Assembly revealed yesterday.
``According to a U.S. document, the last piece of a missile warhead fired by North Korea was found in Alaska,’’ former Japanese foreign minister Taro Nakayama was quoted as saying in the report. ``Washington, as well as Tokyo, has so far underrated Pyongyang’s missile capabilities.’’
What we don't know is how scared we should be about this. If North Korea was aiming for a spot in the middle of the Pacific, then they've got a way to go shrinking their CEP. If, however, Kim Jong-il was trying to settle a personal score with some Alaskan wildlife, then Pyongyang may be farther along than we thought...
January 16, 2006
Brandishing Dangerous Logic At The Fuel Pump
So a new gas station just opened near where I live, and among their offerings is the new E85 fuel that is 85% ethanol and 15% gasoline (hence the name). It's always priced 20 cents below unleaded regular, regardless of how the price of unleaded changes (and this being Fort Wayne, it changes a lot).
Why does its price vary exactly as gasoline's does when it's only 15% gasoline?
January 13, 2006
I'm Guessing He Won't Be Hitting Heaven's Friday Night All-You-Can-Eat Shrimp Bar
You know that trick at Japanese table-cooking restaurants where the chef flips shrimp onto diners' plates? You'd think you couldn't kill a guy that way.
And you'd be wrong.
Of course, there's a lawsuit involved:
MINEOLA, N.Y. -- A shrimp a hibachi chef tossed at a man eating at a Japanese steakhouse ultimately led to the diner's death, his family claims in a $10 million wrongful death lawsuit against the restaurant chain Benihana.
Jerry Colaitis wrenched his neck when he ducked to avoid the shrimp in the chain's Munsey Park restaurant, attorney Andre Ferenzo said in opening statements Wednesday.
Months after the January 2001 incident, the 43-year-old Long Island man died from complications caused by neck surgery he required afterward, the lawyer said.
I can picture St. Peter now:
"Name?"
"Jerry Colaitis."
"Oh, yeah, you're the flying shrimp guy. Hang on a second. (picks up phone) Yeah, boss, I need You at the front gate. Bring Your dad and the Spook, too - you're all gonna want to hear this one."
"I should have just let the damn thing hit me."
January 09, 2006
I Could Always Just Sell My Plasma 20 Times
Do you suppose the wife would notice the $500 hit my wallet would take if I bought one of these?
'Cos I want one. Other cool nixie clocks here.
January 07, 2006
Today's Moment Of Smug Satisfaction
I had three bills that to mail today, using my last three 37-cent stamps to do it on the last day you can use just a 37-cent stamp. I caught my mail carrier just as she was leaving the neighborhood.
Yessssssss!
Of course, by 'caught my mail carrier just as she was leaving the neighborhood' I mean 'hopped in my car and chased her down as she was servicing the last communal mailbox before leaving my neighborhood because I just missed her at the communal mailbox right outside of my house,' but still. I haven't had a whole lot to be smugly satisfied about lately (a known side effect of being a Michigan fan), so I'll take what I can get.
January 01, 2006
Ten, Nine, EightSeven, SixFive, Four, ThreeTwoOneHappyNewYear!
Anybody catch Dick Clark's New Year's Slurrin' Eve last night? Dude sounded like he had five pounds of raw liver for a tongue, although fears that he'd take two minutes to stammer out the last ten seconds turned out to be unfounded - he actually got there three seconds early!
But the thought that kept coming back to me was "Some ABC suit had to be there during rehearsals. That means he heard Clark and still thought "Yeah. We're good to go."
December 28, 2005
Whoosh, Boom, Splat
Here's a perfect example of why I read BoingBoing even though I don't share their politics: contributor Mark (he of the above-referenced Chomsky gush) pointed me to the new blog by William Gurstelle (author of Backyard Ballistics), wherein he talks about neat stuff like a decent use for fruitcake, magnetically levitating frogs, and outing Orlando Bloom's catapult fetish.
Why I Can't Quit The Day Job
I like taking sports pictures, and occasionally I get pretty decent ones. Sometimes, when the day job really sucks, I wonder if I could get good enough to make a living at it. Then I remember situations like this...
...where this play...
...ends a game this way...
...and I'd have to be this guy...
...taking a picture of this guy.
And I just couldn't be that guy.
Unless Anguished Guy was like, a fND player, or an aOSU player. Then it'd be cool. But you can't really count on that, can you?
December 27, 2005
Maybe It's Not As Subtle As 'Water Into Wine,' But It Will Get Your Attention
So just when is Jesus returning, anyway? Of course, we don't know:
42 Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come.
. . .
44 Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh.
But here's a hint. If you see something like this:
you might want to get your ass to church.
Lots of other cool Photoshops at Floating Logos Project, including Invasion Of The Aliens From Planet 84 Lumber.
December 22, 2005
Isn't A Camauro One Of The Musical Instruments Played By The Whos?
Apparently the Pope unintentionally did a Santa Claus impersonation in his latest weekly appearance for the faithful:
ROME: He was not riding on a sleigh pulled by reindeer, but when Pope Benedict arrived on the Popemobile for his weekly audience in St Peter's Square, onlookers could have been forgiven for thinking Santa Claus was in town.
To keep warm in the bitter cold, the pontiff wore a red velvet cap, trimmed with white fur which, with his scarlet cape, gave him the look of Father Christmas.
The traditional hat, known as a camauro, was commonly worn by popes from medieval times on to keep their heads warm on cold days, but has rarely been worn in recent times. The last pope to wear it was John XXIII [emphasis added].
I know I'm going to burn in Hell just for this, but my first thought upon seeing the accompanying picture was Holy cow, it's Pope Grinch!
December 16, 2005
I Think This Merits A Celebratory Shot Of Tequila. I May Even Wait Until I Get Home From Work.
After about three weeks of trying real real hard, I finally cracked 46:00 for a 10,000m row (45:38.2). I know you uber-rowers are chuckling snidely right now (oh, who am I kidding? You're all chuckling snidely right now), but I don't think that's a bad time for a 41yo fat man with a bum knee.
December 06, 2005
I Would Have Passed Him, But We Were Already Running Three-Wide In The Corner
On the commute home last night, I got stuck behind a car sporting about twenty of those NASCAR number decals - you know, 2, 3, 6, 20, 42, 69, square root of -1 (that was the DARPA-sponsored Hummer, fresh off its Grand Challenge victory).
He was driving ten miles an hour under the speed limit. Oh, the irony.
December 02, 2005
Isolating Us From Our Allies
The next step of the animal campaign to remove humans from the top of the food chain has started, as they are now beginning to move against "Man's best friend":
Squirrels have bitten to death a stray dog which was barking at them in a Russian park, local media report.
Passers-by were too late to stop the attack by the black squirrels in a village in the far east, which reportedly lasted about a minute.
They are said to have scampered off at the sight of humans, some carrying pieces of flesh.
November 30, 2005
I Wish I'd Thought Of This
Mobile Strip Club For Tailgaters Found Outside Tampa Football Stadium:
Officers found a 40-foot-long mobile home filled with strippers, bouncers and tailgaters outside Raymond James Stadium before Tampa's game with the Chicago Bears on Sunday.
The mobile strip club featured a stripper pole and a disco ball, Local 6 News reported.
For $20, men were allowed to enter the mobile home, according to the report.
Undercover police said the men were given alcohol and then offered nude lap dances for money.
"Bringing it to a family environment such as a Bucs game totally surprises me," Tampa police Officer Bill Todd said.
5,700 Channels And Nothing's On
Even though this story involves a small town in West Virginia and 12 satellite dishes, it is NOT my White Trash Wednesday story, since neither meth nor stupid crime is involved, and Mr. Jessup seems like a decent guy who just likes to watch TV.
A lot of TV.
Do constant reruns of “I Love the ’80s” on VH1 have you ready to gouge out your eyeballs?
Then come to Al Jessup’s house — where his 5,000-plus radio and television stations from around the world beamed in by his 12 satellite dishes are bound to keep you entertained somehow.
Since 1998, the Beckley resident has amassed a collection of 12 dishes around his James Street home. He said he first just began subscribing to Direct TV and Dish Network, but he later learned that by purchasing special satellite receivers he could receive “free to air” programming from several different satellites swirling the globe. The information on how to adjust a dish and set up a receiver to pick up programming from these stations such as Galaxy 10, AMC 2 and Telestar 5 is included with these receivers.
“Up in the sky, there’s lots of free stuff,” he said.
. . .
The last time he counted, he received more than 5,000 channels. He has stopped counting since.
[H/T Boing Boing]