May 17, 2006

Classification Levels You Aren't Even Cleared To Know About

Anybody who works with classified documents knows that there are cover sheets for those documents which serve (as far as I can tell) two purposes. First, the obvious one of protecting the front page of the document from being exposed 'to the elements.' Also, since they usually have a bright color and fairly bold pattern, they serve as a visual reminder not to leave them just laying around.

What I never knew is that there's more to the classification scheme than just 'Confidential,' 'Secret,' and 'Top Secret.' Much more.

Stupid - this is a cover sheet for asinine information / All individuals handling this information are required to protect it from any disclosure whatsoever in the interest of our professional credibility

Confusing - this is a cover sheet for ambiguous information / All individuals handling this information are required to disregard all logic and common sense.  Failure to do so may result in severe migraines or an attack of conscience.

Futile - This is a cover sheet for useless information / All individuals handling this information are required to disregard it as rapidly as possible in the interest of saving time and effort

Ludicrous - this is a cover sheet for preposterous information / All individuals handling this information are required to disregard all logic and common sense.  Failure to do so may result in the collapse of reality as we know it.

Pathetic - this is a cover sheet for pitiable information / All individuals handling this information are required to maintain a straight face while stressing its importance to the future of the operation.  At no time should common sense or critical thinking be applied to this information, as the resulting reaction could devastate the origininating official's ego.

Bullshit - this is a cover sheet for bullshit information / All individuals handling this information are required to wash their hands before serving food products or shaking hands with any other individuals not authorized to handle or disseminate bullshit.

[H/T Jim from work, who got it in email from I know not whom]

Posted by Chris at May 17, 2006 07:15 AM

Category: Damn, That's Funny
Comments

ROFLMAO!

Posted by: Jim of St. Grimblefig's Monastery at May 17, 2006 09:43 AM