Oh, Sure, THIS'LL Convince Everybody


I don't know what to make of this...

Moby is still committed to convincing people he's straight.

Appearing at a storytelling event sponsored by The Moth, the rave rajah spun an interesting tale about a debauched night he'd spent in Times Square.

He'd started the evening in question, about six months ago, at a benefit hosted by Bette Midler. Having had a bit too much to drink, he decided to make his first trip to a gentleman's club. One of the dancers offered him a lap dance.

Instead, he gave her $400 just to talk. "She gave me a bag of cocaine," Moby told an audience Monday night at the China Club. "I'm 38, but I'd never done coke before. I didn't know you were supposed to share."

When he told the stripper he'd Hoovered her bag, she "got very aggressive." He tried to calm her down by buying a $400 bottle of Champagne.

Around 2 a.m., after soiling his "sleazy Versace suit" during an emergency trip to the bathroom, he figured it was time to go home. When the tiny techno-rocker couldn't get to sleep, he called an ex-girlfriend, who offered to come over. "We made love all night," he remembered.
...except to say I remain unconvinced. And more than a little grossed out.


""I'm 38, but I'd never done coke before. I didn't know you were supposed to share."

And he's not gay.


You sure this isn't from Scrappleface or the Onion?

Can't be from the Onion... the article would have gone something like:

Moby Still Not Gay

Moby is still not gay, according to the 38-year-old rocker. Despite his proferred evidence of several risque anecdotes of a weekend's worth of adventures in Times Square capped off with a solid night's worth of cocaine-induced heterosexual prowess with an ex-girlfriend, fans remain unconvinced.

The ex-girlfriend, a cornsilk-haired, athletic woman named Thomas, was not available for comment, much to the chagrin of a teary-eyed Moby...

Has ANY STRAIGHT MAN ever gone to an event featuring Bette Midler?

The prosecution rests.

Verdict: Gay.

That story is bullshit. As any straight man knows, the strippers don't give you cocaine, you give cocaine to the strippers.

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This page contains a single entry by Chris published on August 12, 2004 3:14 PM.

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