Paraphrasing Richard Pryor On Property Rights And Lethal Self-Defense


Greenie Watch has yet another piece of evidence that animal 'rights' advocates are really Animal Supremacists:

As the bear forced it's way into the dining room area, the beast found the grilled salmon it had smelled from what authorities estimated was over a mile away, where they found the bear's tracks around a small cave. Ryan tried shouting at the bear to get it to leave, but the bear seemed to be intent on the salmon it was feasting on. Ryan then proceeded to throw various kitchen utensils at the bear to get it's attention. "I wasn't sure what I was going to do," he said. "After I hit the bear in the head with a wooden spoon, the bear started coming after me!" The would-be bear snack ran to the other side of the kitchen counter as the bear raised up on it's hind legs and tried swatting at him.

"The bear was blocking my way to my room where I actually have a gun, so I found the only thing I had that I did not throw at him, my frying pan." he relates. "I picked up the frying pan and shouted, bring it on, bring it on!" Ryan jumped over the counter and started swinging the frying pan. The animal, estimated at six feet tall on all fours and over eight hundred pounds, got back on all fours and started to charge the young man. When the bear was about 1 foot away from him, Ryan swung the cast iron frying pan and hit the bear on the right side of its head. "The bear appeared to be dazed, so I just kept pounding him with the frying pan."

"After I hit the bear about fifteen times, the bear fell to the floor, but I dared not let up. I hit him for about another five minutes until he was not moving at all," Ryan says. Only then did he take the time to call for local law enforcement. "When the police showed up, they could not believed what they saw."

"It was the craziest thing I've ever seen," said Officer F. Barnes, of the Victoria crime scene investigation unit. "He actually killed a bear with a frying pan." The local wildlife officer showed up and took measurements of the bear, one of the largest involved in a home invasion incident in recent memory.

There is no word on what became of the animal's body, but local animal rights activists are filing to take possession of the bear's remains, claiming it was an immoral act of killing, and Ryan should not be allowed to make a bearskin rug out of it. Darcy Morris, president of the local chapter of Animal Rights Abuse Watch (ARAW), says, "This young man should be prosecuted, not praised. The bear was simply following his natural instincts, and had this Ryan criminal left it alone, no harm would have been done. It's disgusting, and he can expect to hear from our lawyers.
I am reminded of an old Richard Pryor bit about the time Jim Brown (legend has it) bit the finger off a would-be tackler after he grabbed Brown by the face mask. As the legend goes, when Brown was asked why he did it, he replied "Everything outside the face mask belong to him. Everything inside belong to me."


That bad BAD man.....Just leave that nice little six foot tall on all fours, 800 pound bear alone! Like Darcy said, the bear was simply following his natural instincts!

/PETA off

'Cept um, Darcy, killing things in the way of his food IS his natural instinct. In fact, had he not found salmon in the kitchen, RYAN would have been food......Gad these folks are such freaking morons....

Bush Lied! Bears Died!

My God, what an advertising opportunity here! Was it T-Fal? How much better (for bear-whuppin') than teflon is cast iron?

Can't you see it now? "Even the charges won't stick... if it's T-Fal."

Snort. That's funny. Did you hear about this? With animal rights people, France, and John Kerry, the French-looking assumptive, presumptive possible Democratic candidate who is a Vietnam Veteran, I'll never need any more material.

RTG - Yeah, I've got my comments template set up to filter HTML. Interestingly, the link came through just fine on the email notification I got of your original comment.

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This page contains a single entry by Chris published on June 8, 2004 2:35 PM.

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