%t Mackinac Island/Mackinaw City/Mackinac Bridge, Michigan, USA, Earth
%n xRxx
%s A quaint island, a neat bridge, and way too much fudge
%a Chris Carter (parking_god@yahoo.com)
%d 19960417
%x Earth
%x Michigan, USA, Earth
%e
The Lower Peninsula of Michigan vaguely resembles a mitten (right mitten,
palm up).  Stretching that analogy, the Mackinac Bridge sticks straight
up out of the tip of the middle finger like a thread which will unravel the
whole mitten if you pull on it.  Stretching the analogy further, Mackinaw
[1] City sits astride that thread like a staple whose job it is to prevent
the mitten from unravelling no matter how hard anyone pulls on the thread.
Stretching the analogy to the very limits of Newtonian elasticity, Mackinac
Island can be compared to a bit of fluff that stands off just to the right
of the thread, albeit a very expensive bit of fluff that smells, in
varying proportions, of lilacs, fudge, and horseshit.

Mackinaw City's primary attraction is Fort Michilimackinac, founded by
French settlers in 1715, and since then sublet more times than a Manhattan
rent-controlled apartment, although typically in a less violent fashion.
Its history is pretty much the same as that of a hundred other Forts from
Duquesne to Wayne, with this notable exception:  one fine morning
in 1763, the British tenants awoke to find the local Ojibwa community
playing a friendly game of lacrosse in front of the fort.  The British
opened the gates to get a better look at the game, and before long,
one of the Ojibwa played the ball through the gates into the fort.
The rest of the Ojibwa followed, and by the time the British realized
exactly what game was afoot, the score was Ojibwa 314, England 0.
This goes a long way towards explaining why modern-day British sports
fans behave the way they do.

The breakfast buffet at the Old Fort restaurant is outstanding (although
some reports indicate the quality has declined recently), while a
meal at the Admiral would be grounds for court-martial in any Navy which
subscribes to anything resembling a Uniform Code of Military Justice.  The
Embers restaurant is also very good, but be aware that it's called Embers
because your wallet will be a smoking ruin when you're done there.
A new addition to Mackinaw City's gustatory lineup is the Voyageurs'
Jubilee Dinner [2], which reenacts 17th-century fur-trading days.


On the other side of the Mackinac Bridge is the town of St. Ignace.  It's
pretty much a clone of Mackinaw City; just substitute the Father Jacques
Marquette Museum and the Museum of Ojibwa Culture for Fort Michilimackinac
and the Voyageurs' Jubilee Dinner.  One other thing worth noting about
St. Ignace is the Macomb Scuba Center, which has dive packages for several
of the sunken ships littering the Straits of Mackinac.  Some of these
wrecks date back to the 1700s and are in great shape [3] since fresh water
is much less corrosive than salt water.

The Mackinac Bridge, completed in 1957, holds the title of "The Longest
Suspension Bridge in the US."  That sudden onrush of wind you now hear is
the intake of breath by those people familiar with the Verranzano Narrows
Bridge or the Golden Gate Bridge, as they prepare to say "T'ain't!"  It
is in order to prevent this abuse of the American language that I add
the qualifier "As Measured Landfall-to-Landfall," for while the
aforementioned pair are both longer than the Mackinac Bridge between
the spans, neither of them can touch Mighty Mac's total length of 5.3
miles.  You can pace the distance off yourself during Labor Day weekend,
when the Governor of Michigan leads several thousand people on a walk
across the bridge.

Although three workers died while building the bridge, the only fatality
there since its completion was a driver who made the mistake of stopping
on the bridge during a severe windstorm in 1987 and got blown over the
side [4].  Since a good part of the bridge deck is steel grating, a strong
wind will blow up through it and provide a considerable amount of lift.
The best way to counteract this lift is to provide your own downforce
(i.e., keep driving).  If the weather is bad and the prospect of driving
across the bridge makes you uncomfortable, for instance, if you are
agoraphobic, acrophobic, or any kind of -phobic that involves heights,
wind, open spaces, or water, ask at the tollbooth for someone to drive
you across.  Really.  The bridge folks drive about 1000 cars a year across
the bridge.  I don't know how much it costs, nor do I know what to do if
you need to drive across the bridge northbound, since the tollbooths are
all on the north side of the Straits.  My advice in the latter situation
is to find a bar in Mackinaw City and begin drinking [5], since there's
not much else to do there once you've seen Fort Michilimackinac [6] and
the Mackinac Bridge Museum above Mama Mia's Pizza until you hop a ferry
for Mackinac Island, which, despite the varied and cosmopolitan pleasures
available in Mackinaw City and the awe-inspiring engineering marvel that
is the Mackinac Bridge, is the primary reason most people come to this
part of Earth.  I'll pause here to catch my breath and to allow you to
fully digest that last sentence.

Getting to Mackinac Island is fairly simple.  United and Northwest both
fly to Pellston, about twelve miles south of Mackinaw City.  From Pellston,
air taxi service to the island is available; or, if you prefer, the ferry
companies sometimes run shuttle busses from Pellston Airport to the
Mackinaw City ferry docks [7].  To get there by car, find I-75 and drive 
north until you see a really big bridge, then exit at the last possible moment 
and take the ferry.  Getting there by water is somewhat more complicated [8].

The ride to the island takes about twenty minutes, depending on
the weather [9].  When you get to the island, notice the slower pace of
things.  Notice bicycles and horses where you would expect cars and
trucks [10].  The fact that there are no private cars or trucks allowed
on the island is fairly well known.  Aircraft are allowed, however,
and Mackinac Island is therefore unique in being the only city in the
USA with more aircraft than cars.

Mackinac Island is a fairly expensive place to vacation, perhaps based on
the premise that anyone willing to spend $12 just to get there from the
mainland probably has a few more dollars in his pocket.  For example, be
prepared to pay over $250 per night for a room at Grand Hotel, the island's
finest.  However, a little searching can find a decent room with private
bath at a B&B such as the Inn on Mackinac for under $80.  The real key to
doing Mackinac Island on a budget is to travel during the low season,
before mid-June or after mid-September.  Most hotels have lower rates then,
and the island is even less crowded.

Getting around on Mackinac Island:

o State Governments In Action, Part XXVI: Even though there are no
privately-owned automobiles on the island, state highway M-185 runs along
the entire 8.3-mile shoreline.  It is paved and lined for bicycle,
carriage, and foot traffic, and is a great way to see a large part of the
Island.

o Rent a carriage.  One-horse carriages are available for rent to even the
most equine-impaired vacationer.  After a few minutes' orientation, you
will be turned loose on a unsuspecting public.  The horses know their way
around and practically drive themselves, pausing only at intersections to
allow you to choose a direction.  They can even find their way home if you
manage to get lost [11].  For more excitement, rent a saddle horse and
explore some of the trails that the carriages can't get to; for less, take
a horse-drawn guided tour of the island.

o Rent a bicycle or bring yours over on the ferry [12].  Everything from a
no-frills Schwinn one-speed to a Cannondale mountain bike to a bicycle
built for two is available for rent.  Most bike rental places are near one
of the ferry docks.  The shoreline highway is flat all the way around, and
you can make the circumnavigation in under an hour without breaking a
sweat.  Farther inland, the intrepid cyclist will find some hills and
trails.  Be advised that horses always have the right of way.

o If you completely and utterly lose track of time and miss the last ferry
back to the mainland on January 1, don't panic.  Air taxi service from the
island to St. Ignace is available year-round [13].  However, if you wish to
indulge in another quaint local custom, wait until mid-February and use the
ice bridge.  Year-round residents stockpile their old Christmas trees until
an ice bridge forms between the island and St. Ignace.  The trees are then
'planted' in the ice every few yards to mark the safe path for the
islanders to snowmobile across.  Depending on the weather, the ice bridge
stays intact anywhere from a few days to two months.

Things worth getting around to:

o Fudge shops.  Mackinac Island has fudge shops like Hollywood has boob jobs.

o  There are hundreds of lilac trees on the island, and they bloom in mid-
to late-June [14].  Happily, this coincides with the annual Lilac Festival,
with the usual assortment of parades, contests, and so on.

o The lunch buffet at the Grand Hotel.  It'll set you back $25, including
tax and tip, but the food is outstanding and you can sit on the porch
afterwards [15] and enjoy the scenery.

o Fort Mackinac was on built on the island in about 1795.  Its clifftop
location allowed it a commanding view of the Straits of Mackinac.
During the War of 1812, British forces landed on the opposite side of
Mackinac Island at a point now known as British Landing [16] and hauled
four cannon all the way across the island so they could bombard the fort
from behind.  The American commander, reasoning that anyone capable of
dragging 800-pound cannon by hand over four miles of heavily wooded hills
was capable of anything, surrendered the garrison.  Nowadays, it's much
easier to invade the fort; a small bribe at the gatehouse will suffice.

o With most of its bars clustered along a 300m stretch of Main Street, and
no motorized traffic to worry about, Mackinac Island was made for
pub-crawling.  However, riding a bicycle while intoxicated is a ticketable
offense.  I'd recommend some bars on the island, but I can't seem to
remember any of their names...

o Fans of rock formations will appreciate Sugarloaf, a 75-foot limestone
pinnacle located at the center of the island, and Arch Rock, which is,
well, a rock with an arch in it.

o Golf [17].  There are two golf courses on the island; the Jewel G.C.,
owned by the Grand Hotel, and Wawashkamo.  The Jewel is made up of the
Grand nine, adjacent to the hotel, and the Woods nine, located near the
airport.  Highlights of the Jewel are the carriage ride between nines
and the Woods' No. 7, a 243-yd downhill par 3 that ends with a peninsula
green and offers a spectacular view of the Straits of Mackinac and the
Mackinac Bridge.  The Wawashkamo course is a bargain, with greens fees
of $20 every day.

Life in the fast spacelane it ain't, but Mackinac Island allows the
overstressed hitchhiker to do some serious relaxing without getting
seriously bored.


Points of contact:

o Ferry companies: Arnold Line (906) 847-3351, Shepler's (616) 436-5023,
  Star Line (906) 643-7635
o Mackinac Island Chamber of Commerce (800) 4LILACS
o Mackinaw City Chamber of Commerce (616) 436-5574
o Grand Hotel (800) 33GRAND
o State of Michigan Travel Bureau (800) 543-2937
o Great Lakes Air (906) 643-7165 or  (906) 643-7327
o Wawashkamo Golf Course: (906) 847-3871
o http://www.mackinac.com/
o Macomb Scuba Center (810) 558-9922

[1] The Island, the Bridge, and the Straits Of are all spelled "-ac".
    The City is spelled "-aw."  You'd have to ask the British why, but since
    everyone involved has been dead for nearly 200 years, that wouldn't be
    much help.  All four are pronounced "-aw".  You'd have to ask the French
    why, but since everyone involved in _that_ has been dead for nearly 300
    years, that would be even less help.
[2] The local manifestation of Quasi-Historical Dinner Theatre, with fur
    traders and Ojibwa instead of knights and damsels.  The serving
    wenches remain unchanged.
[3] Aside from the fact that they are under, rather than on, the lake.
[4] The driver made the mistake of stopping on the bridge.  She compounded
    her mistake by stopping a Yugo on the bridge.  This is reason #207 Not
    To Buy A Yugo.
[5] Try:  Labatt's Blue.  Avoid at any cost:  Red, White, and Blue.
[6] the name is Ojibwa in derivation, and it does not (as the more cynical
    will tell you) mean "Device to squeeze the last possible dollar out of
    the tourists in Mackinac City before they hop a ferry and become
    tourists on Mackinac Island."  It really means "great turtle."
[7] Your light-yearage may vary.  Check with the ferry companies before
    trying this.
[8] Part of the directions, quoted from
    http://www.acs.oakland.edu/~ncschult/huroncp.htm:
    "Upbound vessels for the Straits of Mackinac shall lay a course of 318
    for 16.5 miles from off Middle Island Light to a point 5 miles 050
    from Presque Isle Light; then steer a course of 295 for 47 miles to
    abreast of Cordwood Point Lighted Buoy 1; then steer a course of 270
    for 3 miles to a point off Poe Reef Light."  Do yourself a favor and
    get there by a more conventional method.
[9] After January 1, it takes about 3.5 months, since the ferries stop
    running until mid-April.
[10] Notice the horseshit you just stepped in.
[11] A fact verified by this researcher.
[12] $3 to $4 extra
[13] $14 one way / $24 round trip in the winter, slightly more in the
     summer.
[14] You can smell lilacs almost anywhere on the island.  Whether this is
     an attraction or a deterrent is up to you.
[15] This costs $5 by itself if you're not a guest, but it's included in
     the buffet price.
[16] They had to land there.  Every other point was named "Don't Even
     _Think_ Of Landing Here."
[17] I know a lot of golfers, and whenever I tell them about anywhere I
     have vacationed, they all want to know the same thing: "Is there
     good golf there?"
%e