Recently in The Day Job Category

Apparently the mothership has changed our corporate logo color. Go here to catch the old color (quick, before they catch up and change it!) - a sort of orangish-red. Now go here to see the new one. Pantone Matching System 186 (PMS 186), I'm told.

I prefer the more colloquial 'blood red.'

Apropos for a defense contractor, yes? (h/t: co-worker Mike)

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Today I learned that you can commit a fauxne pas without even being on a speakerphone at all.

If the other end of your call is and you don't know it.

Whenever we visit my in-laws', I work on this big jigsaw puzzle. I usually spend a few hours each time we visit, and as I sat there staring at this half-completed puzzle looking for a pattern to emerge, it occured to me: staring at half-completed puzzles looking for patterns to emerge is exactly what I do at the day job.

Bathroom Break, Boss?

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The Facilities folks were in the lab again yesterday, vacuuming the water out from under the raised floor for the fourth time in a week and a half.

I have got to convince Management to allow us enough schedule slack for biobreaks, so my team doesn't have to piss through the access holes underneath their lab benches anymore.

The Law Of Unintended Consequences, Office Edition

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We just went VoIP here at the Imperialist Capitalist Running Pig-Dog Military-Industrial Complex. One of the features of our new Cisco phones is internal Caller ID.

I predict that by the end of October, nobody in my office will ever answer their phone.

I Want This Person Should Calculate My Raise?

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Last Friday, the division bigwigs did their quarterly webcast to talk about our year-to-date performance (brought to us live from Massachusetts, or Texas, or wherever the division is headquartered, beats me). It was pretty snoozeworthy, as usual, except for one tidbit.

One of the speakers was trying to get more people to arrange their travel through the company Travel department website rather than through local travel agents, because travel agents typically charge $40 per transaction and our Travel department charges only $20, which represents, and I quote,

"A savings of 100%."

The really scary part? I'm pretty sure the person who pinched off that growler was the division's chief Controller.

A Glimpse Into My World

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I wish our requirements were defined half this well.

I Knew I Should Have Taken The Blue Pill

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Today's edition of the twice-weekly meeting was really dull; to stay awake I would look out the open door whenever anyone walked by, just to get a break from the monotony. During the 40-minute meeting, I saw the same guy enter the same conference room on five different occasions - but I never saw him leave it! Finally, it occured to me - it was a glitch in the Matrix, and Agents were coming for me right that second!

Did you know that the T-Mobile operator will hang up on you if you call her and yell "I need an exit right the fuck now!"?

Possessed By Butthead

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So I'm in the twice-weekly meeting where we discuss all the recent change requests (a less enlightened organization would call them 'bug reports') and decide what group needs to fix them and when they need to be fixed.

One of the engineers in the meeting described a problem with reloading the firmware on a peripheral device (which occasionally causes the entire system to lock up) thusly:

I tried to flash it, but half the time it just hung.
I spent the rest of the meeting chewing through my tongue in an attempt not to completely lose it.

Have I Mentioned That Proposal Work Sucks?

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A couple of years ago, I did a tiny bit of work on this, and I got a whiff of the shit sandwich known as Proposal Work. Last year, I spent a couple of weeks writing technical verbiage for another proposal, and I got a small bite of that shit sandwich.

For the last two months, I've been getting a shit sandwich jammed down my piehole faster than I can swallow it.

But you know what? The next time I get asked to work on a proposal (and it will happen; a corrolary to Carter's Trap all but guarantees it), I'll say "Yes, sir, may I have another?"

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This page is an archive of recent entries in the The Day Job category.

Tales Of My Neighborhood is the previous category.

The Essential parking_god is the next category.

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