November 2006 Archives

White Trash Christmas Toy Extravaganza!


White Trash Wednesday

OK, so it's less of an 'extravaganza' than it is "two pictures off an email that's going around (that I would attribute if I knew the actual source)," but here are the two Must Have toys for your fav'rite White Trash young'uns:

Easy-Bake Meth Lab

Official Jolene Crankhead model. Teach yer kids the skills they'll need to succeed in the White Trash 'conomy. Comes with a hunnert-count bottle of pseudoephedrine. Ether and anhydrous ammonia sold separately.

Honka Trucks

Includes a coupon redeemable by mail for a "General Lee Up On Blocks In The Front Yard" commemorative plate.

It's White Trash Wednesday! Take the whole tour via the WTW blogroll on my sidebar.


You Had To Know This Was Going To Happen


As soon as I heard about the motion-sensitive controller for the new Wii, which allows players to use real-life motions to control game actions like swinging a tennis racket, I knew that at some point one of them would become a missile. I would have put my money on '100mph fastball wild pitch breaks lamp,' but apparently the winner is 'bowling ball trashes SIXTY-INCH TV!'

So there's this dude who was playing Wii Sports bowling, as his story goes, and his pal rolls a Lebowski and the next thing you know the strap breaks from the force of the swing; his slippery hands let loose, and the Wiimote flies like a missile and cracks his pal's TV. . . . this guy really is out a 60-inch TV. . ..

The Longest Week Of My Life...

...ends in four minutes. It will be the longest four minutes of my life.

But I don't think Michigan will win. aOSU, 24-21.

Just One More Thing To Amp You Up For Tomorrow

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Here's The Charles Woodson Show, also known as "Michigan v. Ohio State, 1997." Woodson had a punt return for a TD, an end-zone interception that killed an aOSU drive, and a long reception that helped set up an Anthony Thomas 1-yard TD plunge. Andre Weathers added a pick-six to complete the Michigan scoring, and Glen Steele had at least two sacks and two other tackles for loss. You'll also see Marcus Ray dumping David Boston (the famous SI cover shot). Enjoy.

Direct YouTube link here.


Countdown To Armageddon

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Forty-eight hours from now, we'll know. To whet your appetite until then, I give you this: scores from the 2003 game.

Direct YouTube link here.


Behold The Power Of Porn


Pandas is dumb. Not only do they sometimes squish their young'uns, they (at least the ones in captivity) often don't even know how to mate! But a zoo in Thailand thinks they have the solution: porn.

"They don't know how to mate, so we need to show the male how through videos," project chief Prasertsak Buntrakoonpoontawee told the Reuters news service.

Chuang Chuang, the six-year-old male, will view films of other mating pandas when scientists judge him to be relaxed and receptive—perhaps just after a tasty dinner.

If all goes well, the racy video will be both instructional and inspirational, showing Chuang Chuang the reproductive ropes and causing him to see five-year-old Lin Hui in an entirely different light.

Porn - is there anything it can't do?

Indiana Highlights Are Up


Actually, they've been up for a while; I just forgot to post them here.

YouTube links: highlights defense offense. Or you can see them embedded after the jump.

Meta-explanation here. [H/T Boing Boing]

There Are Still People Who Do This.

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White Trash Wednesday

White Trash Wednesday bonus Thursday edition! I thought the 'With Signs Following' churches were dead. Apparently not, but one of them is now down a parishoner:

A woman who was bitten by a snake at a church that neighbors say practices serpent handling died of her wounds hours later, a newspaper reported.

Linda Long, 48, was bitten Sunday at East London Holiness Church, where neighbors said the reptiles are handled as part of religious services, The Lexington Herald-Leader reported Tuesday.

It's White Trash Wednesday! Take the whole tour via the WTW blogroll on my sidebar.


Go Away. Just Go Away.


White Trash Wednesday

I'm in mourning. I don't know how I'm going to face the days ahead.

What's that? The election? What election? I'm talking about the breakup of White Trash America's first family. I thought it was bad when Charles and Diana split up, but that's nothing compared to this:

Britney Spears has filed a petition for divorce from Kevin Federline.

TMZ obtained the legal papers, filed today in Los Angeles County Superior Court, citing "irreconcilable differences." In her petition, Spears asks for both legal and physical custody of the couple's two children, one-year old Sean Preston and two-month old Jayden James, with Federline getting reasonable visitation rights.

As for money, sources tell TMZ the couple, who married in Oct. 2004, has an iron-clad prenup. Not surprisingly, Spears is waiving her right to spousal support. She's also asking the judge to make each party pay their own attorney's fees.
That last part is particularly cruel - she knows poor Kevin has no money of his own, so he won't even be able to afford an attorney!

Actually, the real reason I'm distraught about this is that K-Neck is such an easy White Trash Wednesday target. And it seems Britney is smarter than I gave her credit for being, or at has hired people who are:

Britney Spears didn’t pick Nov. 6 as the day to file for divorce from Kevin Federline by accident.

She filed two years and one month from the day of her marriage, on Oct. 6, 2004. Her prenup, according to legal theorists, evidently carried increases for Federline for every year of their marriage. And those deadlines, they say, likely had 30-day grace periods.

Hence, Nov. 6 would have been Britney's last chance to get out of paying a third year of alimony settlement to a basically talentless slacker who was a drain on her finances.
Look on the bright side, K-Neck - you're now free to latch onto the next pop tart and ride the gravy train a couple more years (although you might want to look into getting a better lawyer come pre-nup time). And one last thing - know that Vanilla Ice is laughing at you!

breakup of White Trash America's first family.

It's White Trash Wednesday! Take the whole tour via the WTW blogroll on my sidebar.


Hello, Britain!

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I've been getting a (relatively) huge spike in hits to the Office Lexicon from searches for "office jargon." Can anybody explain this to me?

And as long as I'm talking about the Office Lexicon, I may as well add this entry I've recently heard:

Pull A Scotty - To tell your boss that a given (difficult) task will take X time, but you finish it in X/2 (or X/5, or even X/10) time. From Scotty on ST:tOS, who would tell Captain Kirk that (say) regonculating the warp core retroincavulators would take days, but would complete the task in hours because the survival of the ship depended on it. (Courtesy co-worker Tim O.)


The Gift That Keeps On Giving


You've probably heard by now about John Kerry's slam on the military. Of course, the Waffler can't get his damage control straight, lashing out at the folks who called him on it:

The Massachusetts Democrat called the White House attack "a classic GOP textbook Republican campaign tactic" that reveals Republicans' "willingness to reduce anything in America to raw politics."

"I'm sick and tired of a bunch of despicable Republicans who will not debate real policy, who won't take responsibility for their own mistakes, standing up and trying to make other people the butt of those mistakes," he said. "It disgusts me that a bunch of these Republican hacks who've never worn the uniform of our country are willing to lie about those who did."
while simultaneously trying the old bully-caught-red-handed-by-the-principal tactic of 'it was all a joke:'
Kerry said the comment in question was "a botched joke about the president and the president's people, not about the troops ... and they know that's what I was talking about."

First of all, there's the old Freudism about there being no such thing as a joke, from which one could infer that Kerry does indeed hold the military in contempt. Second, was he trying to say "pay attention in school, or you'll end up President of the United States?" Sure, that'll be a deterrent. Third, even if he was trying to say "pay attention in school, or you'll end up like Bush," that would just be another Operation Foot-Bullet for him, because Kerry didn't do any better at Yale than Bush did!

John F. Kerry was the candidate often portrayed as intellectual and complex, while George W. Bush was the populist who mangled his sentences.

But newly released records show that Bush and Kerry had a virtually identical grade average at Yale University four decades ago.

In 1999, The New Yorker published a transcript indicating that Bush had received a cumulative score of 77 for his first three years at Yale and a roughly similar average under a non-numerical rating system during his senior year.

Kerry, who graduated two years before Bush, got a cumulative 76 for his four years, according to a transcript that Kerry sent to the Navy when he was applying for officer training school. He received four D's in his freshman year out of 10 courses, but improved his average in later years.

Incidentally, here's one of those "Republican hacks who've never worn the uniform of our country" (from the second link above):

GOP Sen. John McCain, like Kerry a decorated Vietnam veteran and a potential 2008 rival, said while campaigning for Republican candidates in Indiana that "the suggestion that only the least educated Americans would agree to serve in the military and fight in Iraq is an insult to every soldier serving in combat today."

The backlash is so bad that Democrats are diving for cover:

A Democratic congressman told ABC News Tuesday, "I guess Kerry wasn't content blowing 2004, now he wants to blow 2006, too."
and recognizing a Lurch endorsement as the kiss of death:
A Democratic Congressional candidate from Iowa is canceling a campaign event later this week with Senator John Kerry.

Brucy Braley says Kerry's recent comments about the Iraq war were inappropriate.

Braley is running against Republican Mike Whalen in Iowa's First District congressional race. It's a contest considered to be one of the most competitive House races in the country.

Braley's decision to distance himself from Kerry came as a furor grew from comments Kerry made about the Iraq War during a campaign stop in California on Monday.
A Democrat running in "one of the most competitive House races in the country" doesn't want to be associated with his party's candidate from the previous Presidential election. Priceless.



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