October 2006 Archives

Northwestern Highlights Are Up

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I'm real busy this week, so I only had time for one big highlight reel. Enjoy.


Have you seen the Home Depot commercial where the woman bumps her glass against the door of her old refrigerator (which has neither water-in-the-door nor an icemaker) and says something like "Huh. Water dispenser's broken. So's the icemaker." and the husband replies, "Point taken?"

In the next shot they're at Home Depot, looking at washers and dryers.

White Trash Wednesday

Woman Charged With Fourth DUI After Being Arrested With Kids in Car

Shannon Wilkinson, 38, was arrested Monday at a grocery store in Prairie Village, after police were called about an intoxicated woman with two small children.

. . .

Officers said they found Wilkinson passed out behind the wheel of her car, with the car engine running and the children, ages 1 and 4, in their car seats. Her blood alcohol was about three times Kansas' legal limit of .08 and it was her fourth DUI charge, authorities said.

Can somebody explain to me why she wasn't still in jail from her third DUI?

It's White Trash, er, Thursday! Take the whole tour via the WTW blogroll on my sidebar.




One of the things that I don't like about some fundamentalist Christians is that they don't pass up an opportunity to witness, whether we're interested or not. Which is why Chuck Norris on Chuck Norris Facts just sucks all the fun out of what used to be a perfectly hilarious 'net meme.

Jack Bauer would never do that to us.

[H/T Chess]


Iowa Highlights Are Up


I guess those Intarweb rumors about Arrington being suspended and Hart out for the year didn't really pan out. Good thing, too, because Hart had both of Michigan's touchdowns. This should mean clear sailing until Armageddon. YouTubage after the break.

For some people, it seems that the major purpose of their life is to serve as a counterexample. Here we teach the lesson "Don't Accept An Offer To Sell Stolen Crap Back To The Guy You Stole It From:"

Brothers Jared and Cooper Colwell and two other men were sleeping at their home in Midvale, Utah last Tuesday, when a pair of ski-masked crooks busted into the house and demanded everyone's cash, wallets, and cellphones. Sounds like your typical home invasion, except for the fact that Jared thought he recognized one of the burglar's voices -- it sounded like a friend of theirs named Randall Talbot who had previously crashed at their pad for a few weeks. Figuring they had nothing to lose, the men texted Jared's cellphone with a message saying "Randy, I really want my phone back; I'll pay you $300 for the phone right now" (must have been a Treo). If you're stupid enough to rob your friend's house it stands to reason that you might be stupid enough to collect a ransom on the stolen merchandise as well, and sure enough, Randy and his partner-in-crime Justin Brooks agreed to a meeting at the local Smith's store. As you've probably guessed by now, the Colwells immediately called the cops, who were there to greet Randy and Justin as they emerged from behind a dumpster at the rendezvous point
[H/T Fark via Engadget]

The Rest Of The Penn State Highlights Are Up

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Better late than never, I suppose.

White Trash Wednesday

I've heard of re-rolling roaches into new joints, but this is ridiculous - Vista man arrested in unusual meth case:

VISTA ---- Deputies seized jars containing urine that tested positive for methamphetamine Thursday outside a Vista house where a possible clandestine drug lab was reported, a sheriff's sergeant said.

. . .

Sometimes meth users save their urine to try to recover any drug left in the liquid so they can use it again, [Sgt. Mark] Varnau said. He said the jars tested positive for chemicals that might have been used for such a recovery attempt.
I suppose it's safer than trying to steal anhydrous ammonia from the farm co-op to cook up a new batch, but smoking your own piss? Man, that's desperate.

It's White Trash Wednesday! Take the whole tour via the WTW blogroll on my sidebar.


Don't Pay The Healerman / Don't Even Fix A Price

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/ Don't pay the healerman / Until he gets you to get up and walk to the other side.

I suppose if Chris de Burgh were to remix his 1982 minor hit Don't Pay The Ferryman (lyrics) today, he'd have some lyrics changes along the lines of the above, because it would seem that he now fancies himself a faith healer:

In an interview with Gloria Hunniford on BBC1's Heaven and Earth show, the Lady In Red singer insisted that he had cured a man suffering from a swollen ankle by simply touching the affected area.

He said: "I have found myself able to cure people with my hands.

"I met someone in the West Indies who was not able to walk. I put my hands on him and he was able to get up.

Lest you think that's a one-off, he also saved his wife from paralysis after a riding accident:

In 1993 he revealed that he had warned his wife, Diane, not to move her spine if she should break her neck in a riding accident.

The following day Diane, the inspiration for Lady In Red, fell off her horse and adhered to his advice, saving herself from paralysis.

Don't move your spine if you break your neck - brilliant! Too bad the regular medical community hasn't thought of that!

Oh, wait - they have.

But he doesn't want to make a big deal about it:

"I know the tabloids will get excited by this so I try to play it down."
Which, no doubt, is why he mentioned it IN A BBC INTERVIEW!


What. A. Weekend.

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A great sports weekend for me: the Tigers are going back to the World Series for the first time since I was in college, Michigan beat the living snot out of the State Penn offense on the road, the Lions actually won a game, and I won the football pool for the week!

    Not only that, I actually heard the following things said this weekend:
  • DA, after eating a chunk of bleu cheese: "I'm going to go home and say something to Dimples, and she's going to look at me like I just ate a sock."
  • Chumley: "'Vaginal Blood Farts' would be a good name for a punk band."
  • My son: "I dominated that toilet. Toilet = owned."

Spoilin' Somebody Else's Redemption Tour

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Great win against the Nitts. WE OWN... PENN STATE!



Dangerous Stupidity, Full Disclosure

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It would be disingenuous of me to chronicle dangerous stupidity the way I do and not admit to an episode of my own, so here goes. I was going to take my wife's car to the shop yesterday morning, since it had been starting with more and more difficulty over the previous few days (I was fairly certain it was either a dying battery or some other electrical problem).

Sure enough, when I tried to start it, it was deader 'n hell. I started my car, dug the jumper cables out of the back, connected the batteries together (taking care to do so in a safe manner), and waited. Thirty seconds later, my wife's car cranked right over. I disconnected the cables (taking care to do so in a safe manner), threw them in the back of the car, backed out of the garage, closed the door, and headed off down the street.

An hour later, my son, preparing to leave for school, entered the garage to find my car still running.

Fortunately, he was way smarter than I was, as he immediately slapped the button for the garage door opener and retreated back into the house.

Everybody's fine, but damn was I stupid.

I am jealous of Wired News copy chief Tony Long. And it's because he gets paid to crap out intellectually vacant drek like this:

I can think of no reason why anyone within 10 miles of an actual bookstore would buy a book at Costco or Wal-Mart. Ever.

Here's one for you, Einstein. I'll type slow so you can stay with me: Because. It's. Closer. Here's another: Because. It's. Probably. Cheaper.

Damn. Long's goat picture must be a hum-dinger.


I know that at most newspapers, the headline to a story is written by an editor rather than the reporter who did the story itself. I'm guessing the editor here didn't play any kind of bat-and-ball sport as a child; either that, or every child in the Pittsburgh area is baseballically underdeveloped and still playing T-ball at an age where everybody else has moved on to having somebody pitch a ball to them. T-ball (sic) coach gets 1-6 years for ordering beaning:

UNIONTOWN, Pa. -- A youth league baseball coach convicted of getting one of his players to injure a teammate was sentenced to one to six years in prison today.

Fayette County Judge Ralph Warman said the actions by Mark Downs Jr., of Dunbar, in June 2005 were "outrageous" and "extremely reprehensible" because he was coaching a league of children 7 to 9 years old.

Testimony indicated Mr. Downs promised $25 to one of his best players if he hurled a ball at Harry Bowers Jr.

There's a bright side to this story: it looks like Mr. Downs will have the opportunity to deal with a lot of bats and balls over the next few years - in a PMITA prison:

Mr. Downs' bond was revoked and he was taken to jail to await transfer to a state prison.

Which leads me into my second attempt to write a bit for Bob & Tom (the first is here):


BOB KEVOIAN: Morning, Bob & Tom Show...

"MORGAN FREEMAN": Hello there sonny, this is Morgan Freeman.

BOB: Hey there, Morgan, how 'ya doing?

"MORGAN": I'm well, thank ya very kindly. I just wanted to tell you about the baseball tournament we had last weekend here at Shawshank Prison. Our team had a new catcher, guy by the name of Mark Downs Jr.

TOM GRISWOLD: Isn't he the t-ball coach who just got sent to prison for ordering one of his players to bean a teammate?

"MORGAN": That's him. He was catching a bull queer they call Big Woody, who plays with a 32-ounce bat.

BOB: That's gonna leave a mark!

"MORGAN": Ohhhh, Marky. That was the longest at-bat of his life.

Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'.


How Y'all Like Me Now, Smart Guy?


White Trash Wednesday

Bonus White Trash Thursday! I should have known my relatively pious observance of White Trash Wednesday would eventually come back to haunt me, but I have to admit that I never considered that retaliation would be nuclear in nature.

Until today. Iowahawk reports that White Trash America has The Bomb:

In the back yard of scientific researchings behind the Great Storage Shed of the People, Iowahawk scientists successfully conducted above-ground nuclear missile test explosions under secure and many malt liquor conditions on early hours of October 10, 2006, at a stirring time when alarm clocks of the neighborhood have yet to clangle. To the impotent yappings of the neighboring gangster devils, Iowahawk responds: howl away, bourgeois traitors of Lakewood Mobile Home Court! Your pitious lamentations and cowardly 911-callings will never stop Iowahawk from the great leap forward into great and powerful prosperity, using his mighty quiver of nuclear-tipped cherry bombs and fully-fissionable bottle rockets for peaceful unity purposes!

I know what you're thinking - and I never considered Iowahawk a Caucasian-Refuse-American, either, but there you are. Here's a picture of his chief scientist, Chuck:


I was going to say 'I for one welcome our new White Trash overlords,' but an earlier trackback pretty much beat me to it. I hate it when that happens.

'White Trash Ma Of The Year,' Nominee #1

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White Trash Wednesday

I've heard "That dress is to die for" and "I'd kill to get that dress," but I have to admit "I'll put up my child as collateral on that dress" is new to me. Mother Charged With Trying To Sell Child Over Wedding Dress Debt:

Davenport, IA- A Davenport mother is accused of trying to sell her 4 year old son to pay back a $200 dollar debt owed on a wedding dress.

31 year old Marcy Gant is arrested and charged with one felony count of ''Sale of an Individual''. Davenport police today said Gant allegedly bought a wedding dress from a street vendor who had set up shop on Kimberly and Division. At an afternoon press conference Tuesday, Davenport Police Captain Dave Struckman said ''That on at least two occasions, during negotiations for the payment of the wedding dress, Ms. Gant offered her four year old son as collateral.''
Who buys a wedding dress from a street vendor? Anyway, it sounds like Marcy's a real winner in other areas of her life, too:
Angie Bruce works near Gant's apartment and says business owners are well aware of her. ''We've had to call police on her, we have restraining orders against her, she's stolen items off our property''.

. . .

Gant's two children are four and ten years old and are in the custody of DHS, based on a prior investigation into their mother.

And here I thought that using people as currency is something you only see in prison.

It's White Trash Wednesday! Take the whole tour via the WTW blogroll on my sidebar.


Remember That Thing I Said About Blogfodder?

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Sure you do. Anyway, here's my highlight reel from the 2005 Penn State game:


Hockeypalooza 2006 In The Books

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Yesterday was the last day for lunchtime roller hockey at the Plex, as they're about to put the turf down to make a second soccer field. The usual suspects showed up, and we skated for an extra hour this last time. I played pretty much the same way I always do - a few good plays, a lot more bad ones, but at least I ended the season trying to make a play instead of just watching the play happen somewhere else. If you're going to suck, the least you can do is suck at full throttle.

And as an extra bonus, I gave Chess a nice little souvenir to carry into the offseason.

I miss playing already.

Michigan State Highlights Are Up

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In case anybody cared, I thought it would be 31-21, so I wasn't too far off. On the other hand, and I know I may be expecting too much, but it sure looks like the D plays a lot softer with a big lead. I know that it could be just because they don't want to give up a quick score, but it's still aggravating to see.

Excuse me - my phone is ringing and the caller ID says "EXPECTATIONS, UNREASONABLE." Highlights after the break.

I know, it's just sweat, but still. Highlights coming soon.


And Speaking Of MSU Games Past...


I have to wonder if this picture:

was taken by this guy?

Small world, huh?


Been running a little thin in the creativity department lately. I've been pretty busy, but that's no excuse, really - I tend to have the best ideas for posts (for a sufficiently broad definition of 'best') just pop into my head when I'm doing something else. For instance, as I was typing "Been running a little thin," it occurred to me that the Mark Foley situation is a lot like the pedophile priest situation - the leadership knew about it but didn't do a damn thing. Actually, they're not quite the same - it's not like the GOP could just arbitrarily transfer Foley to another district...

Anyway. I've been editing highlight videos of Michigan games for three years now, and I recently started uploading them to YouTube, where they're pretty well received, thanks mostly to Brian and the fine folks at MZone being kind enough to plug them for me. It just now occurred to me that there's no reason not to upload some of the choicer highlight reels from years past to serve as appetizers for upcoming games. Towards that end, we have highlights from the '03, '04, and '05 MSU games appearing after the jump.

I'm Not A Lipreader, But...


Lloyd Carr has some choice words to describe the 54-yard run by Mike Hart that officially put the final nail in the coffin Saturday night:

[H/T Johnny of Ron Bellamy's Underachieving All-Stars, who is pretty sure he said "That was a fucking great call!"]


Nothing much to add to what Brian and MZone have already said, but we got highlights after the break, as well as a 1990 Desmond Howard highlight and a brief story of the Little Brown Jug.


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This page is an archive of entries from October 2006 listed from newest to oldest.

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