May 2006 Archives

For White Trash, Life Is Cheap. Real Cheap.


White Trash Wednesday

Just because this couple tried to hire a hit man to kill their grandkids, that doesn't necessarily make it a WTW story.

It isn't even the accompanying picture, although I have to admit it doesn't hurt:

No, what makes this a White Trash Wednesday story is the price: Police: Couple Offered Hit Man $100 To Kill Grandkids:

Two grandparents in Lake County, Fla., were arrested for allegedly offering a hit man $100 to kill their three grandchildren, daughter-in-law and the family's pet dog, according to Local 6 News.

First things first: I love love love Local 6.

Second: they expected a five-play for $100? Look, folks, this ain't Assassin-Mart - you get what you pay for. Actually, in a bit of sloppy headline-writing, it is revealed that the Benjamin was only a down payment:

"(The couple) met with the so-called hit man, where they paid the hit man $100 in cash as a down payment for the murder of the wife and her three children," Lake County Sheriff's Office spokeswoman Christie Mysinger said.

. . .

Investigators said the rest of the money was to be paid to the hit man after the family members were killed Tuesday night.

And for the kicker, here's why Grams and Gramps were shopping at Killers-R-Us:

After an investigation, authorities said the couple's son, Jason Jackson, 31, concocted the alleged murder-for-hire plan from jail and asked his parents to seal the deal, Bolden said.

The 31-year-old is awaiting trial in a sexual molestation case, and his wife and children were scheduled to testify against him.

Ding ding ding! White Trash Trifecta pays 23,700 to 1!

It's White Trash Wednesday! Take the whole tour:


A Peek Inside My Mind, Part IX

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I remember to thank my father and other family members for their service...

...but forget that my father's birthday was Sunday.

Bad son! No inheritance!

The Purpose Of The Exercise

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I am fortunate in that to the best of my knowledge, no one in my family died serving our country since my great(^5)-grandfather and a couple of great(^5)-uncles did in the Civil War. Not only that, I am also fortunate in that no one I knew personally died serving our country.

So to Dad, and Dad; to Uncle Fran and Uncle Dick; and to Jim and Ronnie:

Thanks for your service, and God bless you and all your brothers-in-arms.

Vacation Training Camp

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The base tan is coming along nicely, and we just completed a four-night training run in preparation for the 14-day/15-night beer-drinking marathon known as the annual vacation. We're right on target to peak at the optimal time. It's a good thing beer in North Carolina doesn't cost any more than it does here.

'Anywhere, Anytime' Confirmed!

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Last March, I wondered whether Instapundit would blog from a storm shelter:

I happened to notice on the Weather Channel not too long ago that Knox County, Tennessee (home of the Blogfather, is under a severe thunderstorm warning. I wonder, if the weather truly went to hell there, whether he'd liveblog from the tornado shelter.

The answer is yes:

And here's an interesting interview with Craig [Newmark, creator of Craig's List]. I can attest that he does customer-service at all hours; I was up and posting at 3:30 AM one morning (we had moved to the basement during a tornado watch) and immediately got an email from him wondering what was wrong. Nothing, I replied, just a tornado.

I forgot about the Freedom game last Saturday. Actually, it was kind of an 'active' forgetting, since their season is all but over after Saturday's loss to Evansville dropped them to 3-6. That's the second time in a row I've seen them lose a home game on the last play; maybe I'd better not go to any more home games.

Maybe 'all but over' is a bit much, given that they're only half a game behind three teams tied for the last two playoff spots, but the offense hasn't shown any real life for quite a while. With Dutcher gone (I had earlier said he was retired, but that's not correct) and Brian White not yet in game shape (read: fat), no opponent fears the long ball; with Rocky Harvey and Luther Stroder still hurt, no opponent fears the running game - although there may be signs of life there based on Ronnie McCrae's performance. The defense is still pretty good, but they're being asked to carry the team right now, and that's a tall order in indoor ball.

That said, I've still got some pictures from the game, shown after the break (click for full view).

Somebody better up Tony Long's Thorazine dosage, as his BDS has gotten the better of him:

So why aren't the streets clogged with angry Americans demanding to know why their president lied and deceived them so he could attack a country that had absolutely nothing to do with his so-called war on terror?

. . .

Why aren't we marching to demand an end to the illegal surveillance of American citizens by their own government, again under the pretext of waging war on terror?

. . .

Why aren't irate Americans camping out in the lobby of every newspaper and TV station from coast to coast, demanding that the press reassert the right to perform its single most important function, that of government watchdog?

The short answers are "Because he didn't lie," "Because it's legal," and "Are you fucking kidding me? If President Bush walked on water tonight, tomorrow's New Duranty Times headline would scream 'BUSH CAN'T SWIM; WOMEN, MINORITIES HARDEST HIT!'"


White Trash Noise Machine

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White Trash Wednesday

In commemeration of Bob & Tom's recently-announced impending re-release of their entire back catalog (although I have to wonder whether they'll dub all the Q95-specific stuff from the early days), I've got the lyrics to White Trash Noise Machine, one of my all-time favorite bits. Lyrics after the jump; song snippet here.

Yesterday on Bob & Tom, Kristi noted that she saw a gas station sign over the weekend that had replaced





First Born
The gang laughed like it was fresh and funny.

I have to admit I thought it was funny, too. However, I thought it was funnier LAST SUMMER when I saw the same sign on Oak Island:

Arm, Leg, First Born - an actual picture

What I said at the time:

The really depressing thing is that I wish gas were only $2.10 here - that's 35 cents less than it actually is right now.
The really really depressing thing is that I wish gas were only $2.45 here - that's 35 cents less than it actually is right now!


No Such Thing As Bad Publicity?

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Chixie Dick Natalie Maines got roundly thumped after dissing the President in the runup to OIF. However, she wasn't shipped off to Gitmo for it, which kind of puts the lie to her whole argument. Anyway, after three years of not saying a whole lot, she's flappin' her gums again. Now why would she do that at this exact point in time?


It seems to me bandmate Martie Maguire's statement (from the second link above):

"I'd rather have a small following of really cool people who get it, who will grow with us as we grow and are fans for life, than people that have us in their five-disc changer with Reba McEntire and Toby Keith," Maguire said. "We don't want those kinds of fans. They limit what you can do."
is code for "Our red-state hick former fans are not welcome back on the bandwagon, and we think there are enough progressive country fans to make our career, and by the way we're not a country band anymore because there aren't enough progressive country fans to make our career."

Not to put too fine a point on it, but here's Maines in a January interview:

I like lots of country music, but as far as the industry and everything that happened... I couldn't want to be farther away from that. And it's easier when you're financially set, because you can be a little more ballsy, and just do what you want to do. I don't want people to think that me not wanting to be a part of country music is any sort of revenge. It is not. It is totally me being who I am . . .
...someone who says "Thanks for the money, you backwards-assed country fucks, now go away."

Good luck with that.

[H/T Hot Air]


I totally called the final twist to this season of 24. I was watching the finale with my friend, and when they got to the 'happily ever after' part with fifteen minutes left to go, I explained to him how Nina killed Jack's wife in the last minute of season one. Right as I concluded by saying "Now watch, Jack's going to turn around and see the Chinese ambassador," Jack turned around and saw the Chinese imposter agent, who told him to go stand on the X so the ambassador's goons could grab him. Yay me!

While I'm on the subject of season finales, I want it noted for the record that Marisol's death on CSI: Miami was the lamest hospital death scene in the history of television.


Overplaying The 'Cute' Card

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While trying to figure out how to ask PETA a question, I encountered this poster:

We are not nuggets!  Please don't eat us.

To which I respond: Of course you're not nuggets. You don't have nearly enough meat on your bones yet.


Ask A PETArd

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Ace (via Potfry) has pointed me to a site where you can actually ask PETA questions.

Boy, are they going to regret that one, and if 1/10th of the questions in the comments of Ace's post get sent to Carla, she's going to need therapy - that is, if she doesn't already for being a human-hating animal-worshiper.

So here's my question:

Dear Carla,

Recently, some Canadian geese have migrated into my neighborhood and decided they don't want to migrate out of it. Their droppings are a real nusiance and are starting to become a health hazard, especially for my canine life partner, who has developed a taste for them. I want to deal with the geese in a humane fashion.

So what I need to know is how fast I should hit them with my car to kill them as quickly and humanely as you kill 85% of the unwanted dogs and cats that come into your possession?

Update: Apparently you can't actually submit a question to be answered. Too bad.


So after the Freedom game (about which more later, sadly), we had Rico and several of his friends over (including Clay Aiken and Keri Russell, or at least their stand-ins) for a low-key garage gathering. Along the way, not all the introductions had been made, as evidenced by the fact that eventually one of his friends asked me if I knew where the bathroom was.

I wish I had a picture of the look on her face when I replied, "I sure hope so; it's my house."

...Deny, Deny, Deny. That's Chick McGee's motto, which Ina, a Malaysian IT executive probably now wishes she'd followed:

KUANTAN: "It was the worst mistake I have ever made. I am so embarrassed and this will haunt me forever".

Those words were uttered by Ina, an IT executive whose semi-nude images became the talk of Temerloh after video compact discs (VCDs) of her and her Indonesian boyfriend were sold for RM10 each.

The 25-year-old victim said she allowed her boyfriend to snap photographs of them using his handphone because she loved and trusted him.

It's not clear whether he distributed the pictures on purpose...

Unfortunately, the images were copied and distributed when her beau sent his handphone for repairs.
...but that doesn't seem to matter to people from the woman's town:
Her boyfriend returned to his hometown after he was beaten by villagers agitated by the incident.

It would appear that the evil empire has acquired Rolling Rock:

Anheuser-Busch Cos., the world's largest brewer, has purchased the Rolling Rock brands for $82 million from parent company InBev, the two brewers announced today.

. . .

Rolling Rock will continue to be brewed at the Latrobe brewery until July 31, under contract with Anheuser Busch, she said.

After that, it will be brewed in Anheuser-Busch's Newark, N.J. plant, a company spokeswoman said.
Not that I care a whole lot or anything - they don't sell a lot of Rolling Rock around here, so as a consequence, the few times I've tried it, it's always tasted slightly skunked. Maybe AB will start using the 'born-on date' thingy like with their other beers.

OK, I admit it, I blogged this just so I could do the title.


I Think I'll Tag Him "Mr. Dribbler"


Attention, whoever it is that's responsible for me having to dodge a puddle of urine whenever I want to take a leak here at work:

Your dong is not as long as you think it is. STAND CLOSER TO THE URINAL!

That is all.

Anybody who works with classified documents knows that there are cover sheets for those documents which serve (as far as I can tell) two purposes. First, the obvious one of protecting the front page of the document from being exposed 'to the elements.' Also, since they usually have a bright color and fairly bold pattern, they serve as a visual reminder not to leave them just laying around.

What I never knew is that there's more to the classification scheme than just 'Confidential,' 'Secret,' and 'Top Secret.' Much more.

White Trash Wednesday

Quad Bike - check.

Alcohol - check.

Stupid stunt to impress friends - check...

It's the prototypical White Trash Wednesday story:

A 25-year-old Rex man, who police believe had been drinking, died early Wednesday morning after trying to jump a 46-foot-wide ravine on a four-wheeler, Clayton County police said.

The mix of alcohol, impaired judgment and darkness probably cost Charles Edward Parker II his life, Assistant Clayton County Police Chief Jeff Turner said.

. . .

Knowing the construction site on Bell Road where the vehicle had been used in the past, Turner said Parker’s roommate discovered the body next to the 15- to 20-foot deep ravine at about 7 a.m. Police said the four-wheeler had rolled back into it.
[H/T Atticus via email]

It's White Trash Wednesday! Take the whole tour:


On the same day that I read this article that talks about how BBC World Service is reaching an all-time record audience ("Audience figures for the BBC World Service have reached a record 163 million a week"), I read this Times article that tells me they're stretching their on-air talent pool a bit thin:

IT WAS not until midway through the live television interview that the BBC interviewer started to grow suspicious. The man whom she believed to be an expert on internet music downloads seemed to know precious little about his subject.

Not only that, but the stocky black man with the strong French accent bore little resemblance to the picture on the expert’s website, which showed a slim white man with blue eyes and blond hair.

The corporation’s News 24 channel apologised to its viewers yesterday and admitted that its interviewee was not Guy Kewney, the respected editor of, but a local taxi driver.

The cabbie, who is better qualified to talk about traffic jams in Shepherds Bush, answered questions for several minutes on Apple Computer’s victory at the High Court against Apple Corps, the record label for the Beatles, The Times has learnt.
Maybe I can get BBC News 24 to interview me about Brazil. I've never been there and I don't speak Portuguese, so I'd be perfect!

[H/T Regret The Error]

Sign under the elevator buttons, second floor, Allegan General Hospital: "In case of fire, do not use elevator. Use stairs."

Sign on stairwell door, three feet away: "No Exit."

Sign on first floor stairwell door (stair side): "Exit."

Everything Old Is New Again, Like It Or Not


Is it just me, or does the new Toyota FJ Cruiser look like the bastard child of a Hummer and an old International Scout?

I think both the Element and the xB (or xA, whichever one is the box on wheels) have a certain amount of twisted style to them, but I don't think any of them compare to my beloved '68 Land Cruiser, affectionately named Zonk:
1968 Toyota Land Cruiser - click for full-size


You've all heard about congressman Patrick Kennedy's late night fender-bender a couple of weeks ago, and how he's now blaming it on prescription drug interactions:

Kennedy said he had taken sleep medication and a prescription anti-nausea drug that can cause drowsiness.

The Rhode Island Democrat addressed the issue after a spate of news reports. His initial statement said, "I consumed no alcohol prior to the incident."'

Later, however, he issued a longer statement saying the attending physician for Congress had prescribed Phenergan on Tuesday to treat Kennedy's gastroenteritis.

Kennedy said he returned to his Capitol Hill home on Wednesday evening after a final series of votes in Congress and took "prescribed" amounts of Phenergan and Ambien, another prescribed drug that he occasionally takes to fall asleep.

His initial report, with only a denial of any alcohol use and no mention at all of prescription drugs, smacks of the "definition of 'is'" hair-splitting that the thoroughly weaselly are famous for. But my question is why he thought he had to mislead anybody. He's a Kennedy, for crying out loud. He's fucking bulletproof! He could have held a press conference and said

Hell, yes, I was fucked up! I had a case of beer, a fifth of tequila, a pint of absinthe, and four double-shots of Roundup. I took every pill I could reach and some that I couldn't. I even swallowed one of my shirt collar buttons because I thought it was a new ventilated form of E. I snorted a line of Drano off the crack of a 12-year-old hooker's ass because regular coke just doesn't do it anymore. In fact, this statement I'm holding is printed on blotter acid paper, and as a result I see all of you through Jimi Hendrix' own purple haze, and I'm here to tell you that you have omnidimensional tentacles growing out of your nipples. You name it, I did it, and I'll do it again.

What the fuck do you think you can do about it?
and gotten away with it.

Think I'm exaggerating? Read this and this and this.


A Vatican attitude like this isn't likely to get me going to Mass again: Cardinal urges legal action against Da Vinci Code

In the latest Vatican broadside against "The Da Vinci Code", a leading cardinal says Christians should respond to the book and film with legal action because both offend Christ and the Church he founded.

Cardinal Francis Arinze, a Nigerian who was considered a candidate for pope last year, made his strong comments in a documentary called "The Da Vinci Code-A Masterful Deception." [emphasis added]
This guy coulda been Pope? Outstanding.

"Sometimes it is our duty to do something practical. So it is not I who will tell all Christians what to do but some know legal means which can be taken in order to get the other person to respect the rights of others," Arinze said.
Did anybody else read this and think "Nice store you got here. It'd be a shame if something, you know, happened to it?"
"This is one of the fundamental human rights: that we should be respected, our religious beliefs respected, and our founder Jesus Christ respected," he said, without elaborating on what legal means he had in mind.
My copy of the Declaration says "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness." Arinze must have an earlier draft that includes "...and not to have one's Religion Mocked."

C'mon now, Francis. Think this through. Are you prepared to go after Chris Ofili? Serrano? Celtic Frost? Elisabeth Ohlson Wallin? Martin Scorsese? Every fundamentalist Bible-thumper who preaches that Catholics are Satanists? Geez, that'd take a whole Vatican bureaucracy, wouldn't it?

But then again, they've had some practice with that.

Don't Mess With My Favorite Island

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White Trash Wednesday

This is more like a regular WTW story - dumb guys doing dumb things with stolen property:

Five men were arrested just hours after they broke into ten homes and 20 vehicles on Oak Island and sent a stolen car into the ocean.

The men, all from out of town, reportedly confessed when confronted by police Tuesday morning. And the town’s former police chief, Speedy Ingram [! - ed], led police to the suspects.

Ingram detained two teenagers for vandalism at Oak Island Golf and Country Club. The two reportedly tore out signs and threw them in trees and damaged putting greens, Sgt. Loren Lewis with the Oak Island Police Department said. Ingram, who now works at the golf course, also told police there had been other vandalism incidents.

. . .

The men also reportedly stole a car from a home on Augusta Drive and took it joyriding around town before they drove it into the ocean at Caswell Beach. They took a chair from the back of the car and used it to brace the gas pedal down, put the car in drive and let it go, Lewis said. The five apparently weren’t sure of the exact location of this incident, only that it was somewhere between a pier and the lighthouse.

Lewis said an airplane had searched for the car, but had thus far only seen an oil slick and not the vehicle itself.

They didn't even have the common decency to steal a car from another tourist (probably) - most of the rental houses are along the streets that run along the beach strand, and Augusta isn't one of them.

But what I want to know is how they got the car to the edge of the water - I don't think there's anywhere on the island (and there are fifty-some street-end beach accesses on Oak Island) where there's less than fifty yards of sand between the end of the road and the water. Sure, I grew up near Lake Michigan and I used to go there all the time, but it never occurred to me to do anything else but park somewhere solid and walk the rest of the way to the water.

White Trash Wednesday

I hesitated before deciding to use this for today's WTW, because this guy is way way way more sophisticated than the "Hey, y'all, watch this!" mentality of just slapping jet engines on things and seeing what happens. Then I saw the jet-powered recliner:
jet-powered recliner/rocker
and was powerless to resist. [H/T Joe]

It's White Trash Wednesday! Take the whole tour:


M. O. M-O-R. M-O-R-N-I-N-G. W-O-R-M.

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Today's earworm is Nth Degree by Morningwood. That is all.

Actively Pursuing A Resume Stain

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So my former mayor (and by that I mean 'the SOB who is responsible for the fact that I now live in the city limits against my will without even moving') is going to assume the helm at the Brady Campaign:

. . .he considers finding that common ground [with Second Amendment defenders] the primary mission of his new job.

“They can’t agree on anything at this point,” he says. “Part of my job will be to review where the focus is, to see what makes sense. Let’s find where we’re getting the greatest pitched battles. It seems there should be at least some room for agreement.”
So it won't be a long tenure for Helmke as President of the Brady Campaign - once the disarmers see that he's seeking common ground, he becomes their enemy.


Thursday's Quick Hitters

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Sudan rebels hold key to peace pact. So I guess we can count on it not happening.

Earth Day, my ass!

A high school baseball team in Orange County, Fla., was angered after a concert at their home stadium left the venue damaged and the playing field littered with debris and feces, according to a Local 6 News report.

The Lake Highland Prep baseball team was scheduled to play Umatilla inside Tinker Field Tuesday night.

However, damage to the historical field from Sunday's Earth Day Birthday concert left the team without a home field.

"You don't have to look very far here at Tinker Stadium to see why tonight's game cannot go on as planned," Local 6 reporter Jessica Sanchez said. "The Lake Highland Prep baseball coach is disgusted with what he sees. A bathroom in shambles, a grass-less field littered with debris and feces. [emphasis added]"
(and incidentally, have I mentioned lately that Local 6 is the bestest site on INTERNET?)

Well, I'll be darned. Maybe we haven't lost the war in Iraq.

Just because YOU thought it was funny doesn't mean that EVERYONE thought it was funny: Boing Boing's Cory Doctorow is outraged that not everybody thought Steven Colbert's mocking of President Bush was funny (link NSFW if your site uses SmartFilter, which still thinks Boing Boing is a porn site). Look, Cory, I know that every breath President Bush continues to draw is a grievious personal insult to you, but stick to writing SF and you'll be OK.

(Sure you do; I said it here)

The media beat the dogshit out of Duke Cunningham for being a corrupt scumbag; let's see how much pub William Jefferson (D-New Orleans) gets for doing something even worse:

ALEXANDRIA, Va. (AP) - A Kentucky technology executive pleaded guilty Wednesday in federal court to bribing a congressman in charges stemming from an investigation of a Louisiana House member.

Vernon Jackson, 53, chief executive of Louisville-based iGate Inc., pleaded guilty to bribery of a public official and conspiracy to bribe a public official.

The congressman was not identified in court documents or during Wednesday's plea hearing, but documents make clear that the congressman whom Jackson admits bribing is Rep. William Jefferson, a Democrat who represents New Orleans.
I know, that's just garden-variety corruption. But if the name William Jefferson, Democrat from New Orleans, rings a bell, here's why:
Amid the chaos and confusion that engulfed New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina struck, a congressman used National Guard troops to check on his property and rescue his personal belongings -- even while New Orleans residents were trying to get rescued from rooftops, ABC News has learned.

On Sept. 2 -- five days after Katrina hit the Gulf Coast -- Rep. William Jefferson, D-La., who represents New Orleans and is a senior member of the powerful Ways and Means Committee, was allowed through the military blockades set up around the city to reach the Superdome, where thousands of evacuees had been taken.

. . .

The Louisiana National Guard tells ABC News the truck became stuck as it waited for Jefferson to retrieve his belongings.

Two weeks later, the vehicle's tire tracks were still visible on the lawn.

The soldiers signaled to helicopters in the air for aid. Military sources say a Coast Guard helicopter pilot saw the signal and flew to Jefferson's home. The chopper was already carrying four rescued New Orleans residents at the time.

A rescue diver descended from the helicopter, but the congressman decided against going up in the helicopter, sources say. The pilot sent the diver down again, but Jefferson again declined to go up the helicopter.

After spending approximately 45 minutes with Jefferson, the helicopter went on to rescue three additional New Orleans residents before it ran low on fuel and was forced to end its mission.

"Forty-five minutes can be an eternity to somebody that is drowning, to somebody that is sitting in a roof, and it needs to be used its primary purpose during an emergency," said Hauer.

Coast Guard Cmdr. Brendan McPherson told ABC News, "We did have an aircraft that responded to a signal of distress where the congressman was located. The congressman did decline rescue at the time so the helicopter picked up three other people.

"I can't comment on why the congressman decided not to go in the aircraft," McPherson said. "Did it take a little more time to send the rescue swimmer back a second time? Yes … You'd have to ask the congressman if it was a waste of time or not."
But this wasn't just normal abuse of power, known and loved on both sides of the aisle. Where it gets fishy is why he had to go to his house right then. It sure looks like he was trying to obstruct the very investigation mentioned at the beginning of this post:
In an unrelated matter, authorities recently searched Jefferson's property as part of a federal investigation into the finances of a high-tech firm. Last month FBI officials raided Jefferson's house as well as his home in Washington, D.C., his car and his accountant's house.

Scumbag. And he didn't even shoot down any MiGs in Viet Nam, either.

[H/T Ace]


White Trash Wednesday

Double Bonus WTW Post! I suppose this guy couldn't have been too surprised, given that it was anger management class, but I'm guessing he wasn't expecting this:

VALPARAISO | A woman attending anger management classes became irate during a Wednesday morning class, threatened to kill a classmate, then went out to the lobby and broke a display case, Valparaiso police said.

Teresa Prenderville, 32, of 2956 Brown St., Portage, was arrested on charges of intimidation and criminal mischief.
It starts out innocently enough:
The specialist in the meeting room told police a 26-year-old man walked in and asked Prenderville if the seat next to her was taken.
Y'know, I once asked Alex Trebec if the seat next to him was taken, and all I got was a cold stare, because we'd been told that contestants weren't supposed to talk to anybody who had access to the questions. Sure, I felt about two inches tall once I remembered that, but his response was vastly preferable to Prenderneck's:
The specialist told police Prenderville immediately started yelling to the man, "I'm going to put a cap in you and send you to heaven."

Prenderville is accused of repeating the threat several times -- causing the man to become visibly shaken and start crying. She is also accused of threatening another client before storming out of the room.
Problem solved, right? Au contraire, mon ami - chica was just warming up:
A staff member told police Prenderville grabbed a plastic display from the lobby counter and threw it, breaking it. The staff member stated Prenderville then punched the display case at the front door, bending the door frame and damaging the glass. The damage is $200.

Prenderville, who was located walking away from the facility, told police she became angry because a man was making fun or her. The staff and the man, however, said he only asked to sit near her.
And the punch line - so absurd that I have to assure you I didn't make it up?
Police reports state Prenderville does not have a mental disability or illness, but does have a behavior problem.

Coming out of the second break of every hour (roughly 45 past the hour), Bob & Tom do a national commercial. They did one yesterday for some really really comfortable bed. Kristi has one and she says she sleeps like a baby in it. Bob replied that he doesn't sleep like a baby.

Given what we know about Bob, it's probably safe to say that he does indeed sleep like a baby - he wakes up in the middle of the night wanting to suck on a breast!


White Trash Wednesday

Dude wasn't banging his cousin, he just liked to watch her nekkid:

A woman said she recently evicted her cousin, Richard Strout, from a home both shared.

When Strout did not arrive to pick up his belongings, the woman began moving items out of room, the report said.

During the process, noticed a hole behind a stereo speaker and another behind a poster.

. . .

The womann said one hole was in a position to view her as she dressed and the other hole was in a position to view her in bed, the report said.

She became upset with the discovery and contacted a friend, Michael Cleveland, to repair the damage to the walls.
Why do we care about Cleveland? Because It looks like he's a CSI fan:
Cleveland used a black light and discovered the evidence of possible bodily fluids, in Strout's room, directly below where the holes were placed in the walls of the two rooms, according to the report.
I can see dude's defense now: "No, that's not it at all! I made those holes by accident when I hung my speaker and poster, and I was trying to patch them with a new organic spackle!"

It's White Trash Wednesday! Take the whole tour:


Comedian Brian Posehn (you may know him from such roles as creepy mailguy Kevin on Just Shoot Me or Cousin Larry on Kim Possible) scores Remark of the Day for last Thursday's Bob & Tom show with this one:

I know how to make nerds mad, because I'm a nerd, and it's by getting their obsession wrong. So these guys are waiting for the Star Wars movie, and I would pull up and go "Star Trek sucks!"

And then I realize that I automatically correct anyone who erroneously refers to one of my favorite hobbies as "frisbee golf:"

"No, it's disc golf. 'Frisbee' is just a brand name. It'd be like calling that little game you play with the ball and the sticks 'Titleist golf.'"
But I always knew I was a nerd anyway, so it's all good.


What is it with Germans and art, anyway?

Art expert fooled by chimp painting (and if there were ever an ironclad case for the use of scare quotes, 'expert' would certainly apply):

Dr Katja Schneider, director of the State Art Museum in Moritzburg, Saxony-Anhalt, suggested the painting was by Guggenheim Prize winning artist Ernst Wilhelm Nay.

Dr Schneider said: "It looks like an Ernst Wilhelm Nay. He was famous for using such blotches of colour."

But in reality, the painting was made by female chimpanzee Banghi, from Halle Zoo.

I especially like how Schneider backpedaled when she was told, "And now yoo are having been punk-ed, ja?"

After the real artist was revealed by the Bild newspaper, Dr Schneider said: "I did think it looked a bit rushed."

Perhaps I'm being too hard on Frau Schneider. If an art expert can't tell the difference between the product of a Guggenheim-winning artist and that of a chimp, does that tell us more about the expert or the artist?


Man Charged With Sex With Rabbit:

SYDNEY, Australia (UPI) -- A New Zealand businessman has been charged in Australia with having sex with a rabbit and killing 17 rabbits and a guinea pig.

The Sydney Morning Herald reports police launched an investigation after dead rabbits began showing up in a lane outside a building where Brendan Francis McMahon kept an office.
What kind of pindick do you have to be to think "Sheep? Naaaah, too big. Rabbit? Hell, yeah!"

McMahon was charged with one count of bestiality and 18 counts of aggravated animal cruelty. Investigators said some of the rabbits were still alive when they were found and some appeared to have been dropped from a height. [emphasis added]
Remember those plastic toy rockets from the '70s (apparently they still make them)? They had a chamber you'd fill halfway with water, then you'd connect it to a hand pump and crank away until you got enough pressure. Release the catch, and you'd get a rocket rising on a jet of water. Well, the same principle is at work here. This guy was probably doing his thing on his office balcony. At the proper moment, the combination of fluid pressure and, um, small receptacle space would result in the rodent being shot into the air like a rocket.


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