I Don't Care What You Call It, As Long As It Keeps The Scotch Locker Full

Ron White, one of my favorite comedians, was on Bob & Tom last Thursday, and he said something that didn't really register with me right away:

TOM GRISWOLD: In my hand I have the new CD, it's called You Can't Fix Stupid. Is there a reason it's called You Can't Fix Stupid?

RON WHITE: Yeah, that's what the record company wanted to name it . . . it's a very little bit in the show, in that show, and people see that it's the title and they think there's a whole list of these things like [You Might Be A] redneck jokes or Here's Your Sign jokes, but there was just one little kind-of-insignificant joke, but it made a good record title, but it's also the punch line to that joke, which no longer gets a laugh. [emphasis added]

It wasn't until yesterday that I envisioned this scenario occurring at the record company:

I.M. EMPTYSUIT, Head of Comedy Division: I see we've got another album coming out from one of those redneck comedy tour guys.

U.R. LACKEY, EMPTYSUIT's assistant: Blue Collar Comedy Tour, sir. Yes, it's Ron White's latest album, and we need to come up with a title for it.

EMPTYSUIT: Well, all those redneck comics have gimmicks, right? What's that one guy - the one with the mustache - say? "You're a redneck because -"

LACKEY: Jeff Foxworthy, sir, and it's "You might be a redneck if..."

EMPTYSUIT: Right. And that little guy - Ingram, Angstrom, something - "What's your sign?"

LACKEY: Bill Engvall does "Here's your sign," sir.

EMPTYSUIT: Sure. And the other one, Daryl the White Trash Guy -

LACKEY: Larry the Cable Guy -

EMPTYSUIT: - and 'Finish Up! -

LACKEY: "Git 'R Done."

EMPTYSUIT: Whatever. Anyway, let's take a look. [Picks up CD, looks at back] Here we go. Track 13: "You Can't Fix Stupid." Hell, he probably does a list of about fifty of them, just like Mustache Guy. Let's go with that.

LACKEY: Actually, sir, I've listened to the album, and that one's a very short track, just one joke. It's hardly his theme.

EMPTYSUIT: Great. I'm thinking "You Can't Fix Stupid" in neon, like one of those roadhouse places. Meet with Graphic Arts and have them, ah, what does Daryl say again? Yeah - "Finish Up!"

LACKEY: Sir, it's "Get 'Er -" ah, the hell with it.

And speaking of Ron White, does he get away with (about 8m40s into hour 4) saying something you can't say on the radio?

Tags: Ron White Bob & Tom