June 2005 Archives

At Least He's Consistent


So Tom Cruise, Scientologist, doesn't believe we're alone in the universe:

Asked in an interview with the tabloid daily Bild if he believed in aliens, Cruise said: "Yes, of course. Are you really so arrogant as to believe we are alone in this universe?

"Millions of stars, and we're supposed to be the only living creatures? No, there are many things out there, we just don't know," Cruise, 42, said in the interview published in German.
Well, he'd better not - evil space aliens are the linchpin of his fake religion!

(filed under 'Corporate Stupidity' because Scientology is about as corporate as you can get)

White Trash Wednesday

It happens with distressing frequency - I go into Tuesday night with no idea what I'm going to write for WTW, then a local story just drops into my lap. Like this one:

ANGOLA – Two Steuben County men, one 18 and the other 20, remained in jail Tuesday, accused of killing a dairy cow and stealing its legs, supposedly to eat.

Jeremy Gale Maguire, 20, of the 1800 block of West County Road 120 North, outside Angola, and Matthew David Shaffer, 18, of the 3900 block of South County Road 700 West, outside Hudson, are charged with theft, a Class D felony punishable by six months to three years in prison. Maguire is being held in lieu of $10,000 bail, while Shaffer is being held in lieu of $5,000 bail.

“My understanding is they wanted the meat and that’s the reason they did it,” said Sgt. John Rowe, Steuben County sheriff’s detective. Rowe said he expects to arrest one or two other men.

. . .

Maguire knew that cows were kept at the farm because he formerly lived on the same street, the affidavit said. He and five others met at his house and decided “to get a cow” late Thursday.

The affidavit goes on to explain what transpired next:

The group went to a gas station to get something to drink, then piled into Shaffer’s vehicle and drove to the farm. Maguire shot the cow in the barn with a bow and arrow, which prompted the cow to ram the men, and in the process the animal tore out a fence.

The men chased the cow, and another man shot it again with a bow and arrow. The cow then fell.

Maguire used a butcher kit to remove the cow’s legs. The group then drove to a member’s house and skinned the cow’s legs, put them on ice and ate some of the meat.

Rowe said he’s not sure how the men cooked the meat. Penick alerted sheriff’s deputies at 9 a.m. Friday after seeing the dead cow lying in the pasture as other cows had escaped the fence and were running loose in the cornfield, the affidavit said.

An Angola police officer then reported that Shaffer had been at a gas station earlier, bragging about cutting the legs off a cow, according to the affidavit. Deputies arrived at Shaffer’s house, where they saw blood, flesh and what appeared to be cow hair in the back of his truck, according to the affidavit. Shaffer also had cow manure on his shoes.

I've heard from other sources that the cow in question was worth $7,000, which appears to be about $6,998 more than these Einsteins.

It's White Trash Wednesday! Take the whole tour:

What I Learned On My Summer Vacation


  1. Fresh blackberries make an excellent tequila chaser.
  2. If you inadvertently refer to these as your 'strappy sandals,' everybody will refer to you as 'a metrosexual,' despite all your protestations to the contrary.
  3. This goes double if you wear, at the beach, an outfit that actually matches (or, indeed, can even be called 'an outfit'). Specifically, navy blue shorts with yellow trim, a yellow tank top, and a LiveStrong bracelet.
  4. This goes triple if you bring five pairs of footwear to a two-week beach vacation and wear all of them by noon of day two (for those of you scoring at home, that's a regular pair of sneakers for the drive down, running shoes for running, flip-flops for negotiating the core-of-the-sun-hot sands to/from the beach from/to the deck, moccasins for schlepping about the cottage, and the aforementioned sandals for schlepping about town).
  5. Gorilla Glue will satisfactorily fix a delaminated boogie board.
  6. It will not, however, save you from getting ragdolled by a rogue wave and carrying home half the beach in your swimsuit.
  7. I would rather be in a boat with a drink on the rocks than in the drink with a boat on the rocks [h/t: The Lucky Fisherman restaurant].
  8. I can walk on water when properly motivated (i.e., when I step on something that moves underneath my feet).
  9. If I maintain my normal workout schedule and diet for two weeks, but drink beer every day at the same rate that I normally do just on weekends, I will gain three pounds.
  10. Your cell phone will stop working if it sits in a puddle of beer long enough.

Yes, I'm back. Now if I can only remember how to switch comments and trackbacks back on...

In My Head, I'm Already On The Beach

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I may as well make it official - I'm going back to the beach house for two-plus weeks starting Friday morning, and I'm too busy between now and then to write much of anything. I may do a WTW tomorrow, but I wouldn't bet on it.

I'll probably be shutting off comments and trackbacks, too, to thwart the spammers. See you on or about June 27.

Around The Blogroll, Again


  • If you're thinking about replacing your A/C, Dan from Madison (who knows whereof he speaks) recommends you do it now.
  • Red Hot Cuppa Politics brandishes some Dangerous Logic:
    A fourteen year old girl is supposed to be old enough to make a decision about an abortion without parental approval, but if you want to join the army, it's because your parents make you. Riiiight ....
  • Mia's post from Monday is a must read: Erogenous Zones.
  • hubs and spokes has a great example of an escaped 'I Love Me' Wall.
  • small dead animals puts the runaway bride (koo-koo! koo-koo!) story in perspective.
  • The Sporting Life puts together his Amazing Race dream lineup. My pick to win - Glen Campbell and Nick Nolte.
  • I'm a sucker for lighthouse pictures, and Da Goddess has an excellent one.

See? Now Everybody Wants One!

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White Trash Wednesday

Following in the footsteps of Dangerous Logic WTW poster neck Amber Rainey, this Pennsylvania dipshit is trying to sell ad space on her unborn baby:

When Michele Hutchison's baby is born, she envisions more than a pure bundle of bouncing joy. She also sees a potential billboard.

The suburban Philadelphia mom-to-be is inviting advertisers to put their names on her child's clothing and baby goods, saying the ads are sure to get noticed.

. . .

She got the idea after learning of a woman who offered to have advertisements tattooed on her body.

"I jokingly said to my husband that we should do this on my baby," Hutchison said. "The next day I couldn't get it out of my head."

You know, when your child grows up and learns that you pimped him/her out as a snot-, drool-, and puke-covered billboard, s/he's either going to go Menendez on your ass or sue you for his/her cut of the revenues.

Hat tip: IBeJO

It's White Trash Wednesday! Take the whole tour:

Life Imitates Madhouse in this incident in Geneva, Illinois:

GENEVA, Il. - Dean Craig, 46, is charged with felony arson after setting his own house on fire. Craig reportedly committed the act in order to get two stubborn house guests to leave.

According to authorities, Craig asked his two house guests to leave and threatened to burn the house down if they didn't. When the two nuisance guests refused, Craig poured alcohol on the floor of the home and ignited it.


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