August 2004 Archives

Advice From The Loser

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MSNBC has an article with detailed advice for the Kerry campaign from Donna Brazile, who did such a sterling job leading the Gore/Lieberman campaign. A taste:

There is also room for negative message. The Kerry-Edwards ticket needs to find the one, overarching negative message about Bush that you want voters to hear time and time again. Why not say, “President Bush can't be trusted, is too extreme, etc.”? Team Kerry must get up every day and put in place events, developments, news, surrogates that drive the negative message. The campaign should recognize that you are either on offense scoring points and moving the ball downfield or on defense being scored upon. Thus, the Kerry-Edwards campaign must divide each week up like it as an inning and try to score some points.
Never mind that you don't have innings in football, but what do you expect from the crew that put Gore on the rubber-chicken circuit?

I hope Kerry reads every word.

Or maybe it was a bar bet. Local6 does it again, with this story of a woman who shipped herself to the US:

MIAMI -- A Cuban woman is in good condition Wednesday after being found inside a wooden crate that was loaded in a cargo plane from the Bahamas to Miami.

A DHL cargo crew found the woman curled up inside the crate the size of a small filing cabinet after workers unloaded it late Tuesday at Miami International Airport.

The woman, who did not require medical treatment, was taken to an immigration center for processing and was to be released, immigration spokeswoman Barbara Gonzalez said Wednesday. Under the so-called wet-foot, dry-foot policy, Cubans who reach U.S. soil are usually allowed to stay, while most picked up at sea are sent home.
Authorities aren't saying she defected from Cuba per se:
Federal officials and DHL released no information on how long the woman was in the Bahamas and whether she flew out of Cuba in the crate as well. The U.S. attorney's office had no comment.
But I'm guessing that since she's Cuban, her trip didn't originate in the Bahamas.

(Another quick post in what could be a very small window of opportunity)

So Margaret Cho is miffed that the Dems didn't want any part of her at their convention:

Yes, she's a raunchy comedian prone to jokes about S&M. And yes, she finds the Bush administration heinous, to say the least.

But no, Margaret Cho would not necessarily mix the two and possibly harm John Kerry's run for President, and she wishes the Human Rights Campaign had believed that before disinviting her to headline their Democratic National Convention event.

"It's a little frustrating," says Cho, who, it was feared, would incite scandal like Whoopi Goldberg did when she made lewd Bush jokes at a Radio City fund-raiser for Kerry.

"I need to know that we are going to have a new administration [What the hell does that mean? - ed], and I am 100% behind Kerry's agenda. The idea that I would not honor that mission is really sad. I don't hold anybody responsible, it's just unfortunate."
Cho, as usual, misses the point. What she might have said at any DNC event is completely irrelevant. She could have done the most innocuous bit ever, and all the Bush campaign would have had to do is remind everyone of things she's already said:
"Despite all of this stupid bullsh-- that the Republican National Committee, or whatever the f--- they call them, that they were saying that they're all angry about how two of these ads were comparing Bush to Hitler? I mean, out of thousands of submissions, they find two. They're like fu--ing looking for Hitler in a hawstack. You now? I mean, George Bush is not Hitler. He would be if he fu--ing applied himself." big, extended applause) "I mean he just isn't."
I'm sure that association would have fit in nicely with the DNC's 'kindler, gentler' subtext.

The Other Paw Drops


Well, Gary Dutcher got his day in court Tuesday. He was found guilty of possessing a public nuisance animal and was fined $2,500:

Dutcher and his cougar were driving home from a trip to the veterinarian in January, when Dutcher's car slid off Stellhorn Road. The animal ran loose for almost four hours, before Fort Wayne Animal Control officers shot and killed it. After the incident, Dutcher was also sued by his neighborhood association, who claimed keeping exotic animals in his home violated the association's rules [the association won that suit, too, but I don't know how much Dutcher had to pay - ed].

I'm trying to feel sorry for this guy, I really am. But it's hard to do so when he:

  • Ignored his vet's request to cage Samson before bringing him in
  • Drove Samson to the vet during a snowstorm in a Camaro (a really shitty snow car) instead of his truck (I am trying to verify secondhand reports that Dutcher often drove Samson around uncaged in his Camaro in order to impress women)
  • Didn't have Samson restrained in any way so when Dutcher crashed his car, Samson could escape

I also heard on the news broadcast (but can't find on their web page) that Dutcher is trying to sue the city for... well, I'm not exactly sure what he thinks he can sue them for, but it looks like he's going to try anyway. I'm sure this story will continue to develop.

Technical Difficulties, Again

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Coincidental computer problems at both home and work. Will probably continue for the next few days.

Basketball and Volleyball were both invented in the U.S. (about 15 miles apart, actually). Why in the hell did we let the international federations for both sports end up in Europe?

Does the laurel wreath the medalists wear on their heads count as a hat, thus falling under the category 'things you should remove while the national anthem is playing?'

Back in January, I launched on parents who name their children after high-end consumer products:

"For now, the mass marketing of certain upscale brands ensures an immediate link between a luxury product and a child named for it. Says baby name author Bruce Lansky: 'Here's the cool thing about names: At no cost to you, you can acquire the same designer and a part of that cachet.'"

No, you don't. You identify yourself as a sad loser wannabe who will in all probability never own a Lexus (353 girls were given that name in 2000, according to the Social Security Administration) car or an Armani (298 girls, 273 boys in 2000) suit.

According to McPaper, this particular brand of stupidity is getting worse:

But in the tradition of Tiffany and Mercedes, high-end brand names are coming on strong: Armani, Dior and Lexus.

“Parents are looking for more unique names,” says Linda Murray, editor of, a resource for new and expectant parents. “And they're being inspired by what's around them.”

Armani came in at 711 out of the top 1,000 boy's names for 2003, based on Social Security card applications filed for children. For girls, Lexus was at 888.
Interestingly, this article uses the same 'original' examples (Tiffany and Mercedes) as the article I quoted back in January (never mind that there's a chicken-and-egg issue with Mercedes, since the marque was named for an Austrian girl).

A closer look at the numbers, though, shows that McPaper has it exactly backwards. The SSA has a website where you can search for the number of babies given a particular name (for any year between 1990 and 2003), if that name is in the top 1000. Let's take 2000, the year given in the article my January post referenced, and 2003, the most recent year they have data for. Dior didn't crack the top 1000 in either year, meaning that fewer than 149 Diors were registered in 2000 and fewer than 158 were registered in 2003. Likewise, Lexus registrations (heh) dropped from 353 in 2000 to 270 in 2003, a decrease of almost 25%. Likewise, Armani (girl) registrations dropped from 298 to 253 (about 15%). Unfortunately, Armani (boy) registrations dropped only from 273 to 265.

What I want to know is why McPaper is reporting this as a growing trend despite evidence that it's a dying trend (faster, please).

Who Ever Thought Call Letters Could Be An Oxymoron?


If you follow the news at all, you've heard of the little incident at our local airport:

FORT WAYNE, Ind. (AP) — A liquid leaked from an unclaimed bag Wednesday inside the Fort Wayne International Airport, causing some workers to report feeling ill and prompting authorities to halt passenger service.

. . .

Six people — four airport workers and two emergency responders — were decontaminated after the liquid was first seen leaking from a bag left unclaimed about an hour after the flight arrived, airport officials said.

The six were treated at a hospital and released, Richardson said.

A field test on the substance was inconclusive, Richardson said, and a second sample was sent to a laboratory for further testing.
It's all over the news today, everywhere from the afore-referenced McPaper article to my favorite tv station website, Orlando's Local6.

Everywhere, that is, except Fort Wayne's own NBC affiliate, WISE. As of 1PM Central Time, their website had no mention AT ALL of the incident, ten hours after it happened! Hardly an encouraging sign, especially since both their primary competitors do...

And don't even get me started about their HDTV non-coverage of the Olympics...

Update: The airport reopened about 1:30 CT; the substance was deemed non-hazardous but has been identified only as 'an ingredient used in making perfume.' Still no mention of the incident on UnWISE-TV's website.

Cheech And Chong Would Be Proud


This is what I meant when I referred to them blazing up the Olympic blunt:

The Olympic fattie

Because We Didn't Do WHAT?!?

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We were up in Michigan this weekend visiting family. I got stuck watching Larry King Live last night (don't ask), and they had an interview with Paul McCartney's wife, Lady Heather Mills McCartney, and her work stumping for,, or something like that. Anyway, in one segment, she appeared with an Iraqi girl named Zeynab, whose life prior to the Imperialist Capitalist Running Pig-Dog Iraq Oil Run Sponsored By Halliburton was apparently all sweetness and light:

KING: What does Zeynab think about what's happened in her country?

ZEYNAB (through translator): I'm just to see my country that's explosion every day, and (UNINTELLIGIBLE), and the children also, they're losing their limbs by these accidents by these explosions, and there's insecurity in Iraq now, and I am asking why this is happening inside my country.

KING: Does she bear anger toward the British and the Americans? Does she have bad feelings?

ZEYNAB (through translator): Yes, and why they are just -- bombed us and killed my family? And they are not now taking responsibility, they are not now trying to help the children inside Iraq, and after what they did inside my country, from killing the civilians, so they have to take the responsibility and try to help those children. If they want, they can get out from our country.

KING: You learned about Iraq from her a lot, Heather?

MILLS MCCARTNEY: Really have. I asked, on the first meeting, you know, what did you think of Saddam Hussein before this war? Was he like -- was he bogeyman, or was he, you know, somebody that you didn't know too much about? And she said, yes, we knew about him, we knew that he wasn't a good man, but I had no fear of him. He was, you know, I was allowed to play in the street with my friends, they weren't harmed. She just wishes that we'd never gone in, as in the British and Americans. You know, it's very, very difficult, because we went in for good reasons, but you know, there's been three wars since Saddam came in, starting with the Iran-Iraq, and you know, you can never win because you instill bitterness into the children, and they grow up and they start another war, and another war. So wars don't ever solve anything. They just don't.
On the one hand, at least Mills-McCartney concedes that 'we went in for good reasons.' On the other hand, she contends that 'wars don't ever solve anything.'

The city fathers of Carthage would disagree. As would the Third Reich and Imperial Japan.

Notwithstanding that, it's clear that Zeynab was fortunate enough not to have her parents complain too loudly about Saddam (from a Time interview with Scott Ritter, certainly no supporter of OIF):

[Time] You've spoke about having seen the children's prisons in Iraq. Can you describe what you saw there?

[Ritter] The prison in question is at the General Security Services headquarters, which was inspected by my team in Jan. 1998. It appeared to be a prison for children — toddlers up to pre-adolescents — whose only crime was to be the offspring of those who have spoken out politically against the regime of Saddam Hussein. It was a horrific scene. Actually I'm not going to describe what I saw there because what I saw was so horrible that it can be used by those who would want to promote war with Iraq, and right now I'm waging peace.

Back to the Larry King Live interview. After a few minutes discussing how well Zeynab was doing, considering that she got a limb blown off by an evil cluster bomb, Mills-McCartney drops this clinker that was SO unbelievably stupid I had to look up the transcript because I couldn't believe she actually said it:

KING: That's amazing. What -- this is an extraordinary young lady. What do you owe it to, Heather? How do you explain Zeynab?

MILLS MCCARTNEY: I just think a lot to do with her own genetics and her own character. Because people say, oh, how do you overcome this, how do you do that, but you get people who go through terrible lives and end up messed up, or end up incredible, like Zeynab, and you know, she obviously had quite a difficult life before the war started, you know, very poor country, and we were pretty terrible in doing the Oil for Food programme, because we weren't really giving the right amount of money for the oil; otherwise Iraq would have been a very rich country and had an abundance of food. So I think we have a lot to -- to be responsible for in the years gone by. [emphasis added. Also, somebody should point out to the transcriber that although Mills-McCartney is British, CNN is not, and they should therefore spell 'program' properly!]
Jesus H. Three-Card-Monteing Christ. If you're a celebrity, and you want to spout off about a topic politically, you owe it to yourself to actually learn something about it, if for no other reason than to avoid getting pimp-slapped for your ignorance!

For instance, Saddam skimmed off the top of EVERY OfF contract:

COMPANIES from Australia, the US and other countries paid a secret commission to Saddam Hussein’s government to secure contracts under the United Nations’ oil-for-food programme, Iraqi and occupation officials said yesterday.

Iraq demanded a 10 per cent payment from suppliers who were told to put the money into Arab bank accounts set up by Saddam’s administration.
That added up to ten billion dollars in Saddam's pocket.

Next, everybody and their brother along the way got their kickback. For example, Charles Pasqua:

French Minister of the Interior (1993-1995) European Parliament member and Chairman of the Union of Europe of the Nations (UEN) group. (1999-present.)

Received 12 million barrels under the United Nations Oil for Food program.
Lots more juicy details about who got what can be found here.

Finally, Saddam used the food and medicine that did make it into the country as political weapons:

Fact: Sanctions have never prohibited or limited the import of medicine. In fact, the UN has urged the Iraqi regime to order more basic medicines, but Baghdad has refused. Saddam has been criticized by the UN for intentionally hoarding medicines in warehouses in government-controlled Iraq instead of distributing it to civilians.

. . .

Fact: The regime is slow to order and distribute goods and Saddam's lack of cooperation on monitoring makes it difficult to ensure goods are equitably distributed to the Iraqi people. Baghdad has rejected UN recommendations to increase protein-enriched goods for malnourished children and pregnant women. The Iraqi Government has also rejected assistance by all but a few Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs) and other outside groups.

So it's clear that no matter how much food, or medicine, or money the West sent to Iraq during the OfF period, the conditions for the average Iraqi would have been exactly whatever Saddam Hussein wanted them to be.

Celebrities have the same rights to shoot their mouths off about whatever chowderheaded political opinions they have as anybody else does. What pisses me off is when they get play for their unrepentant ignorance simply because they're celebrities.

An Hour Late And A Drachma Short


This being a Friday night, my neighborhood is doing its normal thing: drinking beer, throwing darts, and shooting the shit in my garage. Since we now have cable TV in the garage (long story; short version is "Thanks, Rabbit"), we're watching the Olympic opening ceremonies. It occurs to me now, halfway through, that our running commentary on stupid stuff (e.g., "Lime green blazers? Who the hell told the Brazilians that looked good?") would have made some funny liveblogging, especially since I have a video capture card with a CATV connection and I could grab screenshots to illustrate my point.

One thing that strikes me - it seems like all the Arab countries' flag-carriers have 'shooting' as their Olympic event. Just sayin'.

Eleven-Word Concert Review

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Alice Cooper: "Too overpowering for a small venue; see him in an arena."

Oh, Sure, THIS'LL Convince Everybody


I don't know what to make of this...

Moby is still committed to convincing people he's straight.

Appearing at a storytelling event sponsored by The Moth, the rave rajah spun an interesting tale about a debauched night he'd spent in Times Square.

He'd started the evening in question, about six months ago, at a benefit hosted by Bette Midler. Having had a bit too much to drink, he decided to make his first trip to a gentleman's club. One of the dancers offered him a lap dance.

Instead, he gave her $400 just to talk. "She gave me a bag of cocaine," Moby told an audience Monday night at the China Club. "I'm 38, but I'd never done coke before. I didn't know you were supposed to share."

When he told the stripper he'd Hoovered her bag, she "got very aggressive." He tried to calm her down by buying a $400 bottle of Champagne.

Around 2 a.m., after soiling his "sleazy Versace suit" during an emergency trip to the bathroom, he figured it was time to go home. When the tiny techno-rocker couldn't get to sleep, he called an ex-girlfriend, who offered to come over. "We made love all night," he remembered.
...except to say I remain unconvinced. And more than a little grossed out.

It started as something of a lucky break:

A dud cell phone meant to be a detonator for a bombing in the Pakistani port of Karachi led to the recent arrests of al-Qaida suspects.

The Boston Globe, quoting Pakistani police, reports U.S. intelligence officials said the lucky break came when an 18-pound roadside bomb was found after it failed to explode. Police traced its ownership to Musaad Aruchi, thought to be the nephew of a top al-Qaida operative.

His arrest led investigators and their U.S. counterparts to al-Qaida computer operative Muhammad Naeem Noor Khan, who in turn led police to Ahmed Khalfan Ghailani, who then led them to Abu Eisa al-Hindi in London.


For The Want Of A cell phone, a detonator was lost.
For the want of a detonator, an IED was lost.
For the want of an IED, Musaad Aruchi was lost.

Now, let's play Six Degrees Of Sellout:

But indications from across the Atlantic are that one of four men held in Willesden, London, is Abu Eisa al-Hindi or Abu Musa al-Hindi, who uses the code-name Bilal, and is the senior al-Qaeda representative in Britain. One US official described him as "a major player who moved operational information between key components of al-Qaeda".

Who knew you could get so much out of a bum cell phone?

The Amazing Race: The Home Game


For the first time (as far as I can remember), we were told the actual arrival time of the first team to the Sphinx pit stop (Colin/Christie, 11:27 AM). From this, I've put together my scenario for everybody's departure times. If you don't watch The Amazing Race, there's really nothing more for you to see here.

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

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The capture of Mohammad Naeem Noor Khan continues to pay dividends. Last week's arrests in Britain revealed yielded a treasure trove of terrorist plans:

More than 1,000 computer disks holding details of previously unknown terrorist plots on the US were seized during raids by MI5 and police in Britain, according to US intelligence sources.

The reports were found during raids in London, Luton, Bushey and Blackburn in which 13 people were arrested.

They contain information that officials in Washington say could lead to more security alerts similar to the one which pinpointed five financial targets in Washington and New York.
. . .
The discovery underlines the growing fear that al Qaeda is planning a massive strike on the scale of the September 11 atrocity. In Britain documents found in the flat of one of those arrested in the raids suggest he trained as a suicide bomber and failed to win asylum here [in the UK].
And it looks like MI5 bagged somebody high up on AQ's org chart:
Among those arrested last week by MI5 and Scotland Yard's Anti-Terrorist Branch is believed to be Abu Musa al Hindi, a senior al Qaeda suspect, allegedly ordered to America four years ago to select targets for an attack.

You Hits The Snooze And You Takes Yer Chances

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Jay Reding manages to do something I hadn't thought possible - add value to a Victor Davis Hanson essay (Dr. Hanson don't hardly never leave no money on the table, so to speak). To wit:

In the end, we have a choice. Either we can admit to ourselves that we’re in a war, and that we have to win it, or we can go back to trying to pretend that the war doesn’t exist until an another September 11 awakes us from our slumber yet again. Given that the next attack could leave 3,000 caring for an entire city rather than other way around, we cannot afford that option.

If Greece traditionally appears first in the Olympic opening ceremony's parade of nations, and the host nation appears last, then how are they going to do it this year?

Convicted child rapist Mary Kay Letourneau got released from jail yesterday after serving her sentence (she did 7 1/2 years for doing a 12-year-old). As part of her post-release processing, she had to register as a convicted sex offender. As a result (and among other restrictions), Inside Edition announced, Letourneau would have a curfew.

Without even looking up from her crossword puzzle, flower_goddess said "Shouldn't affect her any; the guys she wants all have earlier curfews."

Good News, Bad News in Russia

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On the one hand, the main investigator of the Chechen branch of the Russian Justice Ministry was assassinated by terrorists. On the other hand, I think they've found a highly motivated replacement:

According to Interfax, four men wearing masks and camouflage, approached the house of Ramzan Asukhanov"s family in a car. The bandits broke into the house and attacked the investigator and his elderly father. They killed investigator Asukhanov, and then tried to steal VAZ-2109 vehicle being in the yard with no keys.

At that moment, the wife of the killed man, Chechen by nationality, took her husband"s machine-gun, went out to the yard and started firing at the bandits. One of them was killed at once, another one tried to throw a grenade at the lady. Either the woman"s gun bullet hit him first or he did something wrong, but the grenade exploded in his hands. He died.

The third attacker was also killed on the spot. The fourth banded was wounded, and later he died in hospital.

Good Thing He Wasn't On Trial For Public Indecency

| 5 Comments has the best stories, because even though they're an Orlando TV station and this story happened in Pennsylvania (what, Florida isn't weird enough for them?), they have today's winner in the What Not To Do In Court contest:

UNIONTOWN, Pa. -- Something smelled rotten when Michael Hanczyk showed up in court to fight a drunken driving charge. Authorities say it was the booze on his breath.

A judge stopped a hearing Tuesday and ordered the 42-year-old Hanczyk to take a field sobriety test after he and others said they smelled alcohol on Hanczyk's breath.

"Everyone smelled him," said district attorney Nancy Vernon.

A breath test indicated that Hanczyk had a blood alcohol content of 0.296 percent, more than three times the state's legal limit, Vernon said.

Zero-Zero Split


New entry in the Office Lexicon:

Zero-Zero Split
When you're supposed to be splitting your time 50-50 between two groups or projects, and you tell each boss that your other tasking is taking all your time. An effective way to goof off, as long as your bosses don't compare notes.

Today's winner in the 'Inappropriate Literalism' category is Wesley Bono, of Greenbrier, AR, who said:

"This is just a bunch of crap. I didn't hurt anybody. I didn't hurt any of their property."

Oh, yeah. He also did this:

[Bono] pleaded innocent in Conway District Court on Monday after admitting outside court that he dumped 3 tons of manure in front of a gay couple's home June 27 and spread it along two [Conway, AR] city streets, part of the gay rights parade route, in protest. Bono said he was exercising his right of free speech when he spread the manure.

"I live on a farm. Everything I do has to do with production - male and female," Bono said after court Monday. "By all the laws of nature, is it right? The animals don't make these mistakes."

. . .

Bono said he was upset that the parade was even planned - and was further antagonized by plans to start it while Sunday church services were going on.

"I don't care what they do in their own homes. Just don't put it out on the streets where the little kids can see it," Bono said. "I'm not a bigot. Just keep it to yourselves. Just don't push it off on us."

The thing that surprises me the most here is that Conway (population about 37,000) has enough of a gay population to run the risk of having a Gay Pride parade in rural Arkansas!

So these Milosevic-wannabes in South Africa are on trial for their alleged ethnic cleansing scheme, but I don't know how much terror they would have generated using code names like 'Rottweiler,' 'Motherfucker,' and 'KGB.' IOL has the story:

There was laughter in the Pretoria High Court on Tuesday when "Rottweiler" and "KGB" emerged as some of the noms de guerre assumed by the alleged Boeremag coup plotters.

One called himself "Motherf***er" and another "Volla" (an endearing term for a Volkswagen), accused-turned-state-witness Henk van Zyl told the court. His own war name was "Bittereinder" (a diehard).

Van Zyl's evidence elicited chuckles from members of the public, police guards, from the bench and even some of the accused.

Judge Eben Jordaan jokingly pressed Van Zyl for more names, but he could not remember any.
They should have used the Mob Name Generator. Nobody laughs at a Mob name. Well, at least not more than once. The Mannequin said so.

More name generators than you thought possibly could exist can be found here. Enjoy.

It's interesting how different people can see the same facts and have completely different conclusions. Take this report of an incident involving a Ryanair 737 after landing at Stansted (London) Airport in February of 2002. The crew noted vibration in the right engine, and the control tower saw the engine on fire and dispatched the fire crew. That's where we pick up the story...

The GMC [ground controller] repeated the transmission:


The time was 1718 hrs. The commander instructed the first officer to shut down the right engine, and the first officer advised the GMC that:


The GMC asked the aircraft to repeat the response. The commander took over the radio from the first officer and instructed him to start the Auxiliary Power Unit. The commander then informed the GMC that:


At 1718:15 hrs, the GMC initiated an Aircraft Ground Incident using the Omni Crash Alarm, alerting Airfield Operations and the Airfield Rescue and Fire Fighting Service (RFFS) by telephone.

. . .

Fire One advised:


The commander replied:


'Fire One' acknowledged. The time was 1720:55 hrs.

. . .

At approximately 1721:30 hrs, the commander ordered the passengers and crew to evacuate the aircraft. In accordance with Company Standard Operating Procedures, he left the decision as to which exits were to be used to the cabin crew. At that time 'Fire One' called the aircraft saying:


This was not acknowledged. The cabin crew opened the Type I exits at the front and rear of the cabin. The No 2 CCM [cabin crew member] found the forward right door (R1) difficult to open and sought the assistance of the SCCM after he had opened his door (L1). Likewise the No 3 CCM required help from a male positioning cabin crew member to open the rear right door (R2). Both the SCCM and the positioning crew member were each able to operate these doors unaided. Passengers opened the overwing exits. Four positioning cabin crew assisted the operating cabin crew during the evacuation. About 40 passengers evacuated onto the right side of the aircraft, including six onto the right wing. This placed them in the vicinity of the right engine and the area where the fire crews were directing their firefighting efforts. These six passengers were instructed by the fire crew to return inside the aircraft and seek an alternative exit. The passengers who evacuated on the left side used the doors. Members of the fire crew, cabin crew and airfield staff escorted the passengers away from the aircraft.

So there were a couple of little 'oopsies' in the evacuation. These were noted in the official report and a safety recommendation was given:

Safety Recommendation 2004-53

It is recommended that the Irish Aviation Authority and JAA review the requirements for cabin crew initial and refresher training in respect of the operation of all normal and emergency exits, to ensure that crew members become, and remain, familiar with the different operating procedures, and opening characteristics, in both normal and emergency modes of operation.

But to read the Evening Telegraph's version of the story, the cabin crew couldn't tell the emergency doors from the lavatory doors:

Cabin crew on a Ryanair jet had not been trained properly to open the emergency doors, it was revealed today.

A damning report on the training procedures of the budget airline found that staff were not fully prepared to cope with an emergency.

It comes after 115 passengers had to be evacuated from a Boeing 737 at Stansted airport with flames shooting from the rear of the aircraft's starboard engine in 2002. Passengers began to panic and there was "pushing and shoving". The Air Accidents Investigations Branch report said most of the crew were not properly drilled in opening exit doors and demanded a review of training.


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