Let Me Tell You About MY Weekend (Part II)...

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So the phone rang about noon Sunday. It was Deej, calling from the county lockup. I was in the process of hanging up (it being a firm policy of mine not to bail any but my absolute closest of friends out of jail*) when I heard him say he and Rusty were released on their own recognizance and just needed a ride back to the bar to retrieve his truck. What the hell, I figured, at least I'll get to hear how they ended up in the pokey. The Secure Undisclosed Location is close to the county seat, so it was the work of but a few minutes to pick them up and head back to the bar. Their story:

They got to the Parrot-Dice Club about ten the previous night, and the place was filled to capacity. The owner had heard a rumor that the fire marshal would be randomly checking occupancy limits that weekend, so the line that snaked around the corner wasn't moving at all except to let in n new people whenever n people left. Since The Unregistered Firearms were a local favorite, this didn't happen nearly often enough for the line's liking, and tempers were growing short. Rusty badly misjudged the boiling point of the guy behind him wearing a Red Wings jersey, asking him "Oh, are they still playing hockey now?"

It was on. The guy threw a haymaker at Rusty, who was sufficiently sober to duck, and the punch sailed past him. It would have caught Deej full in the face, except that he was bent over tying his shoe, so the next available target was the back of the head of next guy in line.

Sherriff's deputies don't take kindly to getting rabbit-punched, even if they're off duty. The deputy turned around in time to see Deej stand up and smile at him (having not seen the punch). Five seconds later, Deej had a face half full of pepper spray the other half full of asphalt. Rusty, in his haste to explain the actual situation, evidently said something the deputy didn't like (it didn't help that Wingsfan had apparently beamed back to Hockeytown, as he was nowhere to be seen) and quickly found himself face down next to Deej.

They were pretty confident they would be able to straighten out the situation (they had witnesses in the line, and Deej's knuckles weren't bruised like they would have been if he'd done it) without further legal inconvienience, but they thought it prudent to lay low for the rest of the weekend. Which was a shame, because Rusty is an avid golfer and would have enjoyed what happened about the time I got back.

Cueball and Rogers were trying to decide what to do with a bucket of range balls they'd liberated from a nearby country club. DA mentioned that he had his golf clubs at the trailer with him, and thirty seconds later the three of them were trying to hit balls across the south arm of the lake. It was a solid 280 yards straight across, so the boats and the house on the other side weren't in any real danger, especially since most of their early efforts looked more like skipping stones. Of course, there was betting involved, and alcohol as well, so by the time they neared the end of the supply of range balls, the deal was that the first guy to hit a ball all the way across would get a bottle of Patron Reposado courtesy of the other two.

With about a dozen balls left in the pile, Cueball really got a hold of one and drove it all the way to the cattails on the opposite side. There was some heated discussion as to whether this constituted 'across the lake,' but since nobody wanted to drive around and see if the cattails were actually up on shore or still in the water, it was agreed that the shot did constitute 'driving across the lake' in exchange for the prize being downgraded to a case of Budweiser. Then DA pointed out that since Cueball went first, he and Rogers should also have one last chance to force a tie. Rogers' shot was nothing special (frankly, he's a much better drinker than he is a golfer), so it was up to DA. He rosin'ed down, muscled up, and swung as hard as I've ever seen him. Unfortunately, he hit a vicious slice, damn near at a right angle to the intended path.

This wouldn't have been a problem, except about that time Owen came around the point driving Ward and June's pontoon boat. Everybody yelled 'Fore!', but let's face it. When you're driving on the lake, you're on the lookout for other boats, kids tubing, and morons on jet skis, not golf balls. The shot hit a pontoon with a mighty "KA-WHANNNNNNNNG!" and startled Owen so bad he almost dropped his beer (a lesser man undoubtedly would have, but we're all professionals here). He spun the boat around and headed out at flank speed, jinking randomly as all three golfers started salvoing at him. Rogers managed a miracle shot that landed on Owen's aft deck, but nobody got the head shot they were trying for.

While all this was going on, nobody noticed when Carmine put the new starter in his boat and drive off from the pier...

...and actually make it back in without requiring assistance. This time, the hearty toasts were well-warranted, as he was able to drive around the lake all day without incident, at least until the tornado warning. OK, so it was only the next county over, but when you're in a trailer park, a tornado warning gets your undivided attention. That got us to take a look at the radar channel (have I mentioned that I love the radar channel?), and flower_goddess and I were convinced that a quick departure was in order before the next line of storms hit both the SUL and Fort Wayne. We made it home without incident, about ten minutes before the storm hit.

(*) Oh, don't worry. I would have told Rabbit, and she would have bailed them out, them being siblings and all.

The Six Degrees solution? He got it. It was: Benji was in Benji with Patsy Garrett, who was in Room 222 with Karen Valentine, who was in Coffee, Tea, or Me with Louise Lasser, who was in Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman with Martin Mull, who was in Roseanne with Roseanne.

1 Comment

very nice. salvoing at a boat. the redwings guy is a classic story. y'all'll be telling that one for a long time.

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This page contains a single entry by Chris published on June 1, 2004 3:23 PM.

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