March 2003 Archives

Four guys in Kenya found out the hard way that Dangerous Things lurk in open-pit latrines. What, you ask, were they doing in there? Fishing for a woman's cell phone. She'd offered 1000 shillings to the person who retrieved the phone she accidentally dropped in the latrine. And how much is 1000 shillings worth? Almost two weeks' wages for half the population - thirteen dollars and ninety cents.

If I'm ever hard-up enough that I'd even consider diving into a latrine without protective gear for two weeks' wages, I think I'd just dive in headfirst and not bother trying to come back up.

Several news outlets are reporting that a group blasted open the doors of a Paris-area prison with rocket fire to free alleged gangster Antonio Ferrara. Apparently this is becoming a trend - five days ago, suspected murder Joseph Menconi was sprung in a similar fashion from a Corsican prison. I'll ask the obvious question: it was a French prison--why did they think they needed weapons to get the guards to surrender?

Now Boarding On Platform 7 & 7 . . .

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Have you ever missed a flight because you got on the wrong shuttle bus (I haven't, although I came close once)? Well, this poor Japanese guy accidentally got on a party bus instead of the airport bus and missed his flight from Edinburgh to London! Actually, it could have been much worse: I mean, it was a party bus, and he could have gotten on this bus.

    Best quotes from the article:
  • "I have very much difficulty understanding how people speak in Edinburgh. I like the Scottish people very much, but their voices - it is difficult and strange to my ears." (Roger that, Kajiyama-san - my experience talking to Scotsmen is much the same)

  • He made the best of the situation . . . "I missed my aeroplane. At first I was very angry. I felt stupid. But I was enjoying the bus - I have never been on such a thing before. So I stayed for the whole night because it was funny. And the girls were very pretty too."

  • . . . but, alas, couldn't get no nookie. "I was not lucky with them, I am sad to say. But I did do lots of dancing to the music - great. They should have karaoke too on the bus, then it would be perfect."

Bootleg-CD Smugglers, Beware!

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The Washington Post is reporting (last paragraph) that C. Stewaret Verdery Jr. has been named assistant secretary of homeland security for border and transportation security policy. His last job? Senior legislative counsel at Vivendi Universal Entertainment.

Random thought, inspired by Amish Tech Support: if none of my personalities is crazy, can I still use the insanity defense?

Some peacenik chowderhead in New Zealand (motto: "Nuke-Free Since 1987!") offered to let President Bush crucify her in exchange for a promise not to attack Iraq. The catch (besides the fact that she can't crucify herself - no matter how hard she'd try, she wouldn't be able to get the last nail in)? Bush has to do the hammering personally. "I don't think he would have the courage to do it quite frankly, but that is the measure of a man," she told Radio New Zealand. I know they're a little, um, different down NZ way, but I didn't think the 'measure of a man' was whether he was willing to hammer nails into someone else's hands and feet.

There's another thread to this weirdo's rant, however. I can understand people who oppose what we're about to do to Iraq because they think our government is in the pocket of Big Business and doesn't care what has to happen to whom, so long as the fatcats get their oil. I think they're wrong in every important respect, but at least I can see where they're coming from. This space case actually ascribes malice to our impending actions: "Can he follow through with this aim of creating more chaos in the world if he had to do it just to one person himself? [Emphasis added]" That's right, we want to increase the pain and suffering in the world. We get off on it. Damn, the secret's out. I'll have to stop tortuing puppies now.


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