Ding, Dong! The Witch Is Dead!

2001.03.30 Ding, Dong! The Witch Is Dead!

I'm a big fan of Survivor,although I don't spend nearly as much time discussing it as I did the first series. And this morning, I've got to tell you, the sky looks a little bluer, the sun a little brighter, and the birds a little cheerier because JERRI GOT RUN! Per usual, Burnett et. al did their little editing thing, leading us to believe that Elizabeth (The Colleen Of The Outback) would be exiting sans torch this week--certainly it was the obvious play in the Ogakor-rolls-up-Kucha strategy, given that Nick earned immunity--even going to some length to show Keith and Colby discuss ousting Jerri, and then deciding not to. Then the vote announcements:

"Elizabeth." (Sigh. It was nice knowing you, Liz.)

"Jerri." (Yeah yeah yeah, just get on with it.)

"Elizabeth." (Snif.)

"Jerri." (Big surprise.)

"Jerri." (OK, they're just wanting to add a little drama to it, fine.)

"Jerri." (Wait a minute--that's four votes! SOMEBODY TURNED!)

Then a short pause for effect, during which I realized that it was already over; worst case was a 4-4 tie, which Jerri loses by having votes against her previously. Then Outback Jeff dropped the hammer:
"Jerri." And cue the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

That being said, was doing Jerri the smart move for Colby, Keith, and Tina? Hell, no, for two reasons:

• Which person would each of the other seven want to be up against in a final vote for the million? It's well-established that Jerri is universally despised--nobody is going to want to vote her the million, except maybe Amber.


• If Amber has half a brain (and that's being generous), she'll jump ship. She voted for Elizabeth, and what that tells me is that the rest of Ogakor hadn't told her of their plan to run Jerri, probably because they couldn't trust her. Without Jerri to protect her, and knowing that Ogakor can run her at any time, her best bet is to go over to the Kuchas, who would be delighted at the chance to gain the upper hand.

So my prediction for next episode is Kucha+Amber votes for Colby, Ogakor-Amber votes for Elizabeth, and Colby takes the long dark walk.

In what may be the biggest case of identity fraud yet, two New York men are charged with stealing identity data from dozens of people and using it to fraudulently obtain between $100,000 and $1 million in cash and prizes. These guys aimed high--they allegedly had identity data for several members of the Forbes 400, and in fact they were caught trying to steal $10 million from the holdings of "an unidentified top executive listed in Forbes 500 wealthiest Americans." Actually, the Forbes 500 refers to companies; individuals are listed on the "Forbes 400 Richest in America", but what do you expect from the New York Post, anyway? The best quote shows that our heroes may have been trying a salami fraud writ large: "They targeted people they figured were so rich they would not notice they were missing $1 million."