May 03, 2005

A 29th Birthday Party. 29 Hex, Yes, But 29 Nonetheless

flower_goddess's birthday party turned out to be a relatively nominal event, especially when compared to the standard of our other Big Four parties (my birthday, Halloween, and Christmas). I mean, nobody was caught by his wife making out with another neighbor's wife, nobody set their hair on fire, we didn't have a front-row seat for a dozen-car police response to a 911 call across the street, and none of Fort Wayne's finest showed up in our driveway. That's not to say that interesting things didn't happen, but they'll be below the fold.

For example, my son demonstrated an aptitude for home invasion by inadvertently (so he says) breaking down our front door while fleeing, well, never mind what he was fleeing. Personally, I think he was in cahoots with the pets, as all three immediately made a break for The World the moment he came through the door, splitting off in different directions at the end of our sidewalk. Fortunately, we had sprung for upgrades when we had the pets chipped. No pansy-ass commercial-grade ID microchips for us - we went mil-spec and got the 24 model with instant satellite tracking. One call to CTU and our pets were quickly corralled and returned. Now, the agents who returned the pets were attacked and killed once they left our house, but they didn't die on our property so my lawyer tells me it isn't our problem. A couple of drywall screws into the frame, and the door was good as new (or at least as good as Lowest Bidder Builders made it in the first place).

The nephews and niece-in-law were down for the occasion, so in their honor I cracked open the mini-keg of Molson's that somebody got me for my birthday last fall. I am pleased to report that it survived eight months in the fridge without any damage to the flavor. There may be some long-term health impacts from the rust, but who knows? I can say that we'll have at least five test subjects for the study if Johns Hopkins or any other research group is interested.

Of course, as described in Saturday's entry, the Tequila Train was making frequent stops at Dangerous Logic Galactic HQ. I told flower_goddess that she was under no obligation to attempt to drink all the gift tequila herself, but the next time she takes my advice will be the first time she takes my advice, so she learned her lesson the next day. Eventually, the group drink of choice became Jagerbombs, with more Jager than Bomb, if you know what I mean. Actually, you probably aren't sure what I mean, since that expression parses exactly opposite to reality. Perhaps I should rephrase it: "...the group drink became 'Jagerbombs, hold the Red Bull.'"

To top it all off, I spent a good chunk of Sunday morning bent over the toilet.

Fixing a broken lever arm in the tank.

All is not lost, though. flower_goddess's actual birthday is Wednesday, and by rule that means it's her birthday all week long. Tomorrow night we're headed to Draughts to see Truck Stop Cutie, a good local cover band (who should be better now that they've added a keyboard player), and since Wednesday is dollar beer night, and TSC has an... interesting... fan base (including at least one woman who is stalking both Mountaineer and, um, somebody else), it should be a good time. I expect to be sober again in time for BB and Mountaineer's wedding next weekend.*

* We had the rehersal for the wedding two weekends ago, outdoors at the Lakeside Park Rose Garden. Since it was 35 degrees with snow flurries and light sleet, BB laid it out more or less like this (events are described in real time): "Groomsmen over here, bridesmaids over here, meet up meet up meet up, picture picture picture, me down the aisle, Mountaineer in from this side, picture picture picture, blah blah blah husband and wife, turn, picture picture picture, back down the aisle, picture picture picture, done. Now let's get the hell out of here because my feet are freezing!"

It's not our fault she chose to wear capri pants and flip-flops.

Posted by Chris at May 3, 2005 04:59 PM

Category: Tales Of My Neighborhood