August 12, 2004

Oh, Sure, THIS'LL Convince Everybody

I don't know what to make of this...

Moby is still committed to convincing people he's straight.

Appearing at a storytelling event sponsored by The Moth, the rave rajah spun an interesting tale about a debauched night he'd spent in Times Square.

He'd started the evening in question, about six months ago, at a benefit hosted by Bette Midler. Having had a bit too much to drink, he decided to make his first trip to a gentleman's club. One of the dancers offered him a lap dance.

Instead, he gave her $400 just to talk. "She gave me a bag of cocaine," Moby told an audience Monday night at the China Club. "I'm 38, but I'd never done coke before. I didn't know you were supposed to share."

When he told the stripper he'd Hoovered her bag, she "got very aggressive." He tried to calm her down by buying a $400 bottle of Champagne.

Around 2 a.m., after soiling his "sleazy Versace suit" during an emergency trip to the bathroom, he figured it was time to go home. When the tiny techno-rocker couldn't get to sleep, he called an ex-girlfriend, who offered to come over. "We made love all night," he remembered.
...except to say I remain unconvinced. And more than a little grossed out.

Posted by Chris at August 12, 2004 03:14 PM

Category: Media Stupidity

""I'm 38, but I'd never done coke before. I didn't know you were supposed to share."

And he's not gay.


You sure this isn't from Scrappleface or the Onion?

Posted by: Tman at August 12, 2004 03:37 PM

Can't be from the Onion... the article would have gone something like:

Moby Still Not Gay

Moby is still not gay, according to the 38-year-old rocker. Despite his proferred evidence of several risque anecdotes of a weekend's worth of adventures in Times Square capped off with a solid night's worth of cocaine-induced heterosexual prowess with an ex-girlfriend, fans remain unconvinced.

The ex-girlfriend, a cornsilk-haired, athletic woman named Thomas, was not available for comment, much to the chagrin of a teary-eyed Moby...

Posted by: chess h at August 12, 2004 04:24 PM


Posted by: Chris of Dangerous Logic at August 13, 2004 01:57 PM

Has ANY STRAIGHT MAN ever gone to an event featuring Bette Midler?

The prosecution rests.

Verdict: Gay.

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster at August 13, 2004 02:18 PM

That story is bullshit. As any straight man knows, the strippers don't give you cocaine, you give cocaine to the strippers.

Posted by: Bill from INDC at August 17, 2004 11:10 AM